I have quite a bit of rage in my heart. Almost 30% of it is dedicated to jaywalkers that I just want to run down in my car, but that’s off topic.
It’s like grand theft auto. In a volvo.
An even greater portion is dedicated to the breeding and breeders of “doodles”.
This is a doodle.
This is why Potnoodle sobs at night.
Honestly, I’m not even one of those people that can take the high road and forgive the dogs of their owner’s folly. They’re gross, they’re dumb, and they’re ugly. And I don’t like the way their mommy dresses them either.
When I worked for a groomer, we had at least one a week come in, mostly goldendoodles, both miniature and standard sized. They usually smelled like ass, often had foreign objects embedded in their pelt, and were invariably named something like Carlton.
It’s not unusual… to be a total fucktard if you own a doodle.
The Owners:
Real Dog People don’t own doodles. Doodle owners sometimes evolve into Real Dog People when they wisen up and go for a rescue or a breeder for their next dog. If a RDP wants a mixed breed, they go for a rescue or perhaps, if they’re a special kind of idiot, a purposeful sport mix.
Probably not this kind of sport dog but close enough.
Most Common Reasons for getting a Doodle.
1. We wanted a hypo-allergenic dog.
There are many, many reasons this is wrong. Most importantly, even actual non- shedding breeds are not hypo-allergenic. That’s right. Every lie every poodle back yard breeder has ever told you is just that– a lie. Sorry.
It’s not so bad… but I can’t reach my butt.
2. We want a dog that doesn’t shed.
Sorry, dumbass, there’s no guarantee that f1 cross isn’t going to leak hair like an Alaskan Gas line leaks oil. I’d say get a poodle if you want something that doesn’t shed, but I don’t want you besmirching the good name of my breed. Get a stuffed animal, we’ll all sleep better at night.
Get this. We’ll like you if you get this.
3. “We want a dog with the hair of a poodle and the brains of a lab/golden”
No. I can’t even. Just get out. If you’re the sort of person that says that and you read this blog… just stop. We don’t need your views.
109 stones. How’s that lab brain sounding now?
The Dog
Doodles are dumb. Ask any trainer, groomer, or person that has looked at one for more than ten minutes at a dog park. Poodles are incredibly intelligent. Golden Retrievers are smart and very willing to please. Labs are… well labs are labs, but whatever, they’re smarter than doodles. I’m not really sure what happens in that fuckery of gene muddling that doodles are, but it’s bad. They run in to shit. they have no dog/dog manners, and they’re no good at what either breed was bred to do. For science*, I googled “Doodle retrieving ducks” and I got…. nothing. There were a few pics of doodles being the ugly ball of scruff that they are, several of standard poodles retrieving and even a few of Irish water spaniels. Pro tip: those aren’t doodles.
*Science. It works, Bitches.
Got Doodle rage? Got Potnoodle rage because she hates doodles? Feel free to get it all out in the comments.
The Dog Snobs 
i have 2 amazing danoodles , who seem to be cleverer than the writer of this original rubbish…… why don’t you all get off your backsides and actually walk your beloved dogs , cross breed or other instead of sitting in front of a screen getting fat!!!!
Ok, kill me. What is a danish doodle, a danodoodle, a danoodle?
what the fuck is a danoodle???????
Doodles are dumb. Just like an owner that would assume everyone posting is fat. Hello you can post from your phone while walking your three dogs just like I’m doing right now.
Some friends of mine have just received the good news that the ‘bernedoodle’ puppy they have been on a breeders waiting list for will be ready ‘for adoption’ next month. They already have two goldendoodles, both dumb as a box of rocks. Their bernedoodle, (a shedless, hypo-allergenic, very rare breed blah blah blah) is coming from ‘highfalutin furry babies.’ This dog is $3200! On top of that, “I hand deliver each and every one of my “furry babies” anywhere in the world. You must be wondering how that works, its very simple. Your sweet furry baby will sit on my lap during the flight, ensuring a stress free transition to you directly. The family pays for my travel ticket (whatever the lowest priced ticket we can find) and parking/travel exp ($100) and I meet you at the local airport of your choice! I meet you in the “baggage claim” area, sitting down, going over all the important information you will need to know when you adopt from us.”
Furrybabies is in Florida; the new ‘parents’ as they are referred to by the breeder are in Washington state. These people are dumber than a doodle. WTF?!
I am not FAT. I am large boned.
You’re an arsehole who doesn’t understand all dog breeds and cross breeds. Get a life you sick feck – a dog is a dog; not a name, badge or class. Easily seen you’re a yank 👿
A Yank? What, is this the Civil War, here?
I think Hhytt is from the UK given the use of the term ‘arsehole’ so it’s apparently the revolutionary war or war of 1812.
I feel sorry for you and you ignorant comments . Some people just get pleasure from being rude. I have a doodle and she is the cleverest , most loving dog I have ever had. She’s may choice. I don’t insult other dog owners because they have breeds that I don’t like. I feel sorry for you.
Your Doodle is not a breed.
Wish I could say I was speechless, but I’m bombarded with so much dismay.
Your rant against an animal-the hatred that you have for a dog, tells me what caliber of person you are. There so much to hate in this world… Hunger, kidnapping, bad traffic, sickness, mean people…. but you my friend choose to hate an animal- and furthermore use your time by blogging about it. Again this speaks volumes of you as a person.
Talking about people’s animals is liking talking about family. It’s hurtful. Think before you speak.
You don’t have a breed. You have a mutt, nothing wrong with it but get one from a rescue rather than wasting all that money on a mutt that wasn’t bred correctly in the first place.
You talk absolute bullsh!t! My labradoodle is much smarter than my friends pedigree lab and has alot less health problem. I wanted a dog with lots of energy and a lust for life. Thats what I got and I’ll be forever happy with him!
Remember that all pedigree dogs were mixed with other breeda to get the traits the breeder wanted. The british bulldog is a wonderful example of over breeding. They have such short noses that they cannot breathe properly so some breeders are adding Staffordshire bull terriers to help rectify what humans have done to the breed. Don’t even get me started on cavalier king charles spaniels with brains top big for their skulls!
Stop attacking doodles and get on with your life!
Funny note about hybrid vigor is that it doesn’t regularly hold true and on top of that this is a post about doodles…. I say a purebred poodle beats your doodle any day
As does a well-bred Labrador. Any Labrador who has health issues is a result of poor and irresponsible breeding. No true breeder would allow puppies that are not healthy and sound to be sold. Their reputation is at stake.
Ugh *rolls eyes*
While I can’t go so far as to sport a “fuck doodles” t-shirt (there’s a zillion doodles around my ‘hood), I think about this anti-doodle thing all.the.time…. My non-doodle dog, however, would like to order 1000 of the “fuck doodles” shirt, wear them all, as she bites, harasses & generally bullies them. She’s never been mistreated by one, she just has decided to hate on them ALL.
Might I suggest a shirt with the word “Doodles” and the red circle with slash over it 🙂
I have a boarding facility and I can tell you there is a reason your dog hates them – they are mindnumbingly stupid. Anyone posting about how smart they are has clearly never owned a smart dog. I’ll happily split the cost of 1000 Fuck doodle shirts with your dog, oh man, they are unbelievably stupid and poorly behaved.
I agree with this comment 100%. Over the past number of years I’ve dated a number of women who’ve had one of these abominations, and every time it is that abomination I choose to break up with, not the girl. I hate to use the word, but every one of these terrible, terrible dogs have been retarded. They have terrible behavior and smell like ass in addition to the other foul traits. For the record, I absolutely love golden retrievers. They are my favorite dog in the world. But these doodle abominations contain none of the personality traits that golden retrievers possess. These wreckless doodle breedings need to come to an end. Such terrible, ugly, smelly, stupid dogs.
You are a hater. Relax. Dogs are dogs. I own one of these demons. 7 yr, old male and I can give everyone an honest opinion of the breed. My daughter owns a 10 yr. old demon also. They are as different as night and day. Mine (Toby) has strong golden traits and my daughters (Tucker) has strong poodle traits.Toby is animal aggressive,Tucker is gentle as a lamb. Both adore humans and are loving ,loyal ,kid friendly (7 grandchildren) and love to please people. Toby would be bad news for anyone who would try to attack us. Tucker would likely just bark. Toby is more trainable in the sit,stay etc. sense,but he goes into a furry when he sees another animal. Has been like that since a pup although Tucker was socialized better as a pup than Toby.I spoke to an expert and she told me some dogs can’t be broken of that. Toby gets along with Tucker only. Up went the fence and all is bearable.Toby (retriever coat) sheds and has sensitive skin.Tucker (poodle coat) mats easily. Both are healthy,strong and super athletic.Love to retrieve the ball and catch like shortstops. Toby is 79 lbs. Tucker 58 lbs.We have two with animal allergies in the family and they have no reactions to them. I believe the issue is dander not hair.I believe one of the issues with smelly doodles might be that people tend to leave there coats too long to show off their natural beauty and might go too long without bathing them. A well groomed doodle is truly a beautiful animal.Their plume tails are awesome. Folks who don”t own one might see one like Toby who wants to tear their dog up when they walk by and draw a conclusion on the breed right then and there. I would say that if you owned one you would see the other side of them and would probably think differently. Now to be honest, they are over priced. I paid 700.00 for mine from a breeder. My daughter paid only 250.00 from a pet shop. So there you go breeders with your fancy websites with your 1500.00 doodles.Then there is the argument of why not just get some mixed breed from a shelter and save a life. Tell that to my sister who got a dog from a shelter that she came to love and found out that it has diabeties and had it when she got it. Each dog is an individual and some are nearly perfect pets while others are demons regardless of the breed. Some are trained better as pups. Some are socialized better as pups.There is in my opinion nothing wrong with a controlled mixing of breeds. You just try to get the mutt with the traits you want. All dogs descended from wolves.
“From a pet shop” says it all, really.
Well, actually, there IS something wrong with a controlled mixing of breeds. I would encourage you to do some research and question why anyone would want to purposefully breed these doodles…and think about the foundation stock. No responsible lab, golden or poodle breeder (who put a lot of money and time and thought and health testing into raising healthy and temperamentally sound animals, and would never allow their dogs to be sold from a pet shop-and who would be VERY careful where their pups go, you sign a contract to have the dog altered, or returned if you can never keep it, etc.) would EVER allow their dogs to be cross bred. Think about that. If you want certain traits in a dog, they are there in one or more of the hundreds of purebred dogs out there-the ones who have been thoughtfully bred for generations or just go rescue a doodle-there are more than enough in rescue now.
Amen!
*round of applause* Go on take a bow, don’t be shy. There you go..
“They’re gross, they’re dumb, and they’re ugly.” Pretty much sums it up. One of the butt-ugliest breeds on the planet – and annoying as fuck.
certainly sums up the writer of this post perfectly. …..
Wow, someone should just jump off a bridge and make this world a better place.
I don’t like Doodles either or their breeders but posts like this just polarize people and do nothing to educate those who might buy a Doodle to refrain. I know the things you say are very clever and may even be considered funny but not to everyone.
Yes, you are correct. It doesn’t take much for people to take offense, so naturally Doodle owners are going to defend their dogs (Notice I did not say breed).
I have had three FRIENDS ask me about getting a dog. I made sure they knew about pedigrees, good breeders, shelter dogs, etc.
They STILL got a Doodle. They got scammed, as well. The thing is, they don’t know it! If I say anything, they take it as a personal attack.
Now, they have the Doodle so there is not much I can say. I have been honest the entire time but they just do not get it.
For hybrid vigor to be applied, first the progeny have to come from parents of different species. Say, for example, a horse and a donkey. The offspring is called a mule and mules are sterile. Or, a tiger and a lion, mated together they make a “ligon.” Ligons are often sterile.
A true hybrid involving a dog would be a coy dog, like a coyote/dog cross. Or one of those terrifying wolf/dog hybrids that people love to brag about owning. I love wolves. They’re beautiful. I just prefer my wolves domesticated for thousands of years. 😉
So, onto the body of my ramble, A poodle and a labrador are both dogs. And not just dogs, but domesticated dogs. There are dogs in the wild, such as the African Wild Dog or the Dingo. Random, but I love reading up on wild canids.
And no, foxes are not in that category. There was a dog/fox mating attempted at a zoo in the 1900s, but all the pups died. Foxes have a lesser number of chromosomes then dogs.
Back to my ramble- labrador poodle crosses are not hybrids. They are both, at heart, water retrievers if I know my poodle history correctly. Goldens are also retrievers. Phenotypically, since all of the breeds involved in creating a potential doodle are similar, they will have similar health issues. Many are polygenic, like elbow dysplasia or hip dysplasia. Those are fairly easy to avoid, because x-rays seem to do the trick. Other things like Addison’s Disease (common in poodles) is extremely common in doodle mixes if the sheer number of doodle owners on the Yahoo.com Addison’s Dogs’ List has anything to say about it.
“Hybrid Vigor” is a term deliberately misused to fool gullible consumers. WHAT? PEOPLE GOT TAKEN BY A SCAM?? Yes. It’s true. Shocking, I know.
Doodle owners should love their dogs. Frankly, I think all dogs should be loved by their owners. But, Doodles aren’t special. They’re just a mutt, just like any other mutt that anyone else loves and adores. Just because someone paid $3,000.00 for one from a breeder who misused words doesn’t make them any more special, or any less of a mutt then a random bred shelter dog.
A doodle will probably still shed. It will not automatically come pre-programed as the perfect dog robot- they will still need to be taught how to sit, how to stay, and how to walk on a lead rather then pulling you down the street. They still poop. And pee. And they may even have health issues, despite whatever gimmick was used to sell them. Their coats will be a nightmare, most likely, as any groomer will tell you.
living in a preppy neighbourhood I get really tired of doodles, such a unstable cross (most dog trainers will agree). I have a pit/lab rescue, black, and the doodle owners cross the street when they see me coming. Why? Because doodle owners aren’t real dog owners (yes kin)d of like beagle owners, but more trendy). They’re people who are scared of dogs or don’t want “dog”mess, but who want to be like a “normal” family and have a dog.
Not fond of Doodles either. We have had at least 8 brought to our gun dog training kennel, and not one of them had any natural bird desire. They would go fetch a ball, but throw a bird, forget it. Told the owners they needed to get a dog bred to hunt, with natural “birdiness” and drive in the field. I have seen ONE good gun dog which was a goldendoodle. He is a terrific upland dog, Not for much in the water though, and usually lets the other dogs do the retrieve. He sheds like crazy though, according to owner. And tends to have a rather strong smell to his coat if not kept clipped.
I actually thought this was a rather funny piece. I don’t get why people take immediate offense? I am not going to lie and say I’m a huge fan of ‘doodles’. They are not recognized breeds, even the man who ‘invented’ the labradoodle said he wishes he never had. Unfortunately it’s become a bit of a fashion statement to get a ‘something doodle’, sometimes crosses which make absolutely no sense whatsoever considering the characteristics and genetic make up of the chosen breeds to mix (French Bullhuahua anyone? why?).In that regard I feel they are overpriced mutts. I’m sure some are absolutely happy with their doggy (as they should), and in the end that’s all that matters.
I can tell a few things about your article. You are fat, lonely – you are unhappy with how your life turned out and you will NEVER become anyone of any importance. You make the world a WORSE place to live in. Your parents/grandparents should be ashamed that they did such a poor job in rearing you. No matter how much you try to find inner peace and happiness – this will not happen as you are so filled with anger and hate that your life simply has no purpose. The world would be better off without you in it.
Wow, did you read your own writing? Talk about hypocrisy… hello pot, calling the kettle black, eh? What an online bully you are.
Oh my goodness! I’m afraid if I were a fragile human being, I just might jump off a bridge if I read this. Did you ever consider that if your assumptions are anywhere near correct (and I don’t think they are), your rage could push the writer over the brink into a depression of no return? Shame on you! You can state what’s on your mind without being cruel. Two wrongs don’t make a right and all that jazz.
Another one of their comments, they specifically told people to commit suicide! Absolutely disgusting, especially when it’s over an article about mutts. Geez!
Ok, I see many think you are a bully and there are those who disagree with your comments. ME? I totally agree with you and would probably put my thoughts in the same blunT manner, if I decided to ignore my “filters”. I THINK your “exuberance” might be because it is your breed (and mine) being brutalized by the doodle movement. Poodles, especially standards–who are closest in size to labs, goldens, etc–are SO above doodles and the others–if you are looking for a superdog! Poodles do not shed, thus have no doggy odor, unless they just returned from an active romp and then only until they cool down. If kept in the kennel cut, they are minimal care–just be sure to keep the snout shaved. I bathe mine (toy) every two weeks, but she needs minimal brushing and combing as long as I keep her hair at 1/2″ -NEVER shaved, except for feet and snout. They are all smart, loving and loyal. And let’s not forget GORGEOUS!! What’s not to love?
I have a golden retriever poodle mix (F1bb), and he is so stupid, I can’t believe I paid for him. Through all the hate in this blog I’ve realized that it’s completely founded in sound theory and real life personal experiences. What a great addition to the world of pets. Fucking idiots.
Just curious, I find the comments amusing here. Is this site for real? Regardless, thanks for the chuckles…..
use blacks and in bread blacks and realize black labs don’t matter
I rescued my Goldendoodle from a Doodle rescue. I certainly hope that meets with your approval. I also named him Tucker. Are you okay with that too? I’ll be happy to change it to Rover or Spot or Max. Would that meet your dog owner requirements? I AM A REAL DOG OWNER YOU IGNORANT DUMBASS.
You are a real dog owner, you didn’t spend a fortune on a mutt. You adopted your doodle and that makes you a real dog owner. The problem with doodles is (uninformed people) paying tons for a dog they can get in a shelter. Poorly bred dogs only contribute to puppy mills (as one poster stated above that their doodle came from a pet store) and backyard breeders. Those breeders could care less about the temperament a puppy will be born with, they only care about money. All of these things add to more dogs in shelters. This is why a real dog person would never buy a doodle. You understand that you have a mixed breed mutt you don’t think you have some sort of diamond of a dog.
I’ve trained, bred, and shown dogs my whole life. I’m also a groomer, so I understand where the author is coming from. I groom a lot of different breeds and mixes, and the overwhelming number of them have had no training whatsoever. Not even leash breaking! Not one doodle that I groom has any manners except what I’ve given them in the short time that I have them in my shop. I want to weep when I see a 120 lb. wild, matted doodle come in for it’s annual grooming! It doesn’t help that so many doodle “greeders” will spin any tale that will help them sell these dogs. “They’re hypoallergenic”, “they don’t shed”, “Don’t brush or groom them until they’re a year old”, etc, ad nauseum. I don’t know of any of these people that do any health testing, just pop out pups as fast as they can to make money. The vast majority of people that buy these over-hyped mixed breeds are NOT “dog people”. They don’t do their research, just see an adorable pup and plunk down lots of cash. Many are acquiring a dog for the first time, and have no clue that just like a human child, the pup needs training (school). Dogs can’t learn by “watching another dog” (Yes, I’ve been told that). So many “dumb” dogs would at least appear smarter if trained. There’s stupid and intelligent dogs of ALL breeds, but when the dog is as big and as happy-go-lucky as a doodle, the appearance can be one of stupidity. Dogs that aren’t regularly groomed not only stink and get matted, but since they don’t know what grooming is, panic and flail while some poor groomer has to struggle with mats, fleas, ticks, burrs, assorted stuff trapped in the coat (I’ve found things like fish hooks, sticks, a used tampon, cigarette butts), rear ends covered in a poo pancake, and yes, even maggots! Because the person that sold them the dog MUST be an authority (“Oh, the breeder would NEVER lie!) owners just refuse to believe that their darling dog is trapped in tight mats that hurt. “You made my dog NAKED!” If the dog was brought to a groomer on a regular basis, the dog would not only learn to enjoy or at least put up with their spa day, but would also not stink and be able to have the longer haircut the owner desires. Owners need to do maintenance in between professional grooms. You don’t go to your hairdresser and then not brush your hair for 6 months to a year? Same with your dog. Besides, the time spent brushing your dog is time that you’re bonding with the dog. In short, train your dog, regardless of breed or breeds. Everyone will thank you for it, and be glad to see you with your dog.
I HATE doodles!! My sister in law has one and we always get stuck watching it when they go out of town. He is, by far, the dumbest dog I’ve ever come across. He stinks too and burps and farts and is just gross! I loathe being around this disgusting dog. Glad to come across your website and see there are others who hate this ‘breed’ as much as I do!