What Dog Sports Look Like to the Outside World.

22 Jun

While many of us are either involved in, or familiar with, the wide array of dog sports that exist, we must remember that the vast majority of people have no idea that the dog world extends past what they see on TV every Thanksgiving.  Below we outline what we imagine various dog sports must look like to the outside (i.e. non-dog fanatical world).


Angry people shouting in German while a large dog bites the Michelin Man’s ethnic cousin.

As Paula Deen’s Dog, he’s been trained never to bite the white ones.


Dog plays on colorful construction equipment while a woman in Lululemon pants and Vibram shoes runs around yelling strange words like “scramble!” and “table!”

At least his pants aren’t transparent.


Frumpy person struts around with dog staring at them adoringly.

At least the dogs may participate in the ‘frump’.


Lazy people yell at dog to fetch ball over and over and over without actually having to throw the ball.

Why use your arms at all?


Dog sniffs boxes. Unfortunately, no actual drugs to be found.

All the pretty colors.


Owner is desperate to move cement blocks ten feet. Not willing to rent a front end loader.

Because that would be the easy way.


Frumpy office managers parade at a synergy convention.

Image from image.toutlecine.com

“What do you mean I need to ‘gait livelier’”


Loud indecisive gym teachers yelling at Labradors to recreate a Disney documentary.

Image courtesy of fox

“I said jump like the little lemming you are!”


Border collies moving sheep into pens and laser light shows.

Simplistic, but not inaccurate.


Herding for the avid-indoorsman.

Typical treiball enthusiast.


A Nature Hike without the nature.

We could get in to this kind of tracking.

Hunt Tests

Something with a duck in a box and the blind. The duck may or may not be dead but you can’t know until you open the box which still won’t help because you’re blind.

We said duck… there’s a U in there.


People actively encourage their dogs to fix a rat infestation.   Must be too cheap to hire exterminators.

Damn it, they brought out the schnauzers.

Barn Hunts

Made by the people who hold Earthdog trials and collect money for free rodent control. Geniuses.

Barnhunt is a new sport, as far as we know there isn’t a class for handling larger pests…

Did we offend you?


Tell us about it in the comments! Offended that we didn’t offend your sport? Tell us about that too!

28 Responses to “What Dog Sports Look Like to the Outside World.”

  1. Cathy June 22, 2013 at 2:45 am #

    Isn’t the Thanksgiving show Purina? (ducks & runs)

  2. Mellafabulous June 22, 2013 at 2:48 am #

    Lure coursing!

  3. Jessica June 22, 2013 at 2:53 am #

    You definitely could have wrecked on agility more. You didn’t even mention how insane it looks when the handlers walk the course! I mean, what could be weirder than that? And you forgot lure coursing (lazy handlers watch their uber-fast dogs chase plastic bags on strings), and Rally (obedience with weird road signs). And, the most insane dog even of them all — “Musical Freestyle”. You could do a whole post on that one! Love your blog. Keep up the good work.

  4. Vicki Smith June 22, 2013 at 3:41 am #

    @Jessica you got there first with everything I wanted to say! Lure coursing…oh yeah. Agility…totally! Wish I had a video of people walking the course. Some stumbling about clueless, some with their Ipods plugged in (they tend to be the ones with tights and serious shoes) looking like they are about to run in the Olympics. Then there’s people like me pointing at nothing in particular and muttering, “Touch! Stay! Okay!” and other arcane things.

    • Jessica June 22, 2013 at 12:05 pm #

      LOL. My DH almost fell over the first time he went with me to an agility trial. He died laughing at the course walks! I should totally take a video of the course walking at the next trial I attend. It could be You Tube GOLD!

      • thepayferpack June 22, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

        …and the video could be Dog Snob fodder! You totally should do it!

      • thepayferpack June 22, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

        …YouTube gold and Dog Snob fodder… Definitely need a video of course walks on here 🙂

        Also hunt tests with all of the handling and then there is upland (pheasants and such), and of course field trials…

        Jessica – Love your descriptions. Especially Rally Obedience with weird road signs and some people begging their dogs to work with them (perhaps obedience drop outs could be added to the description 😉 )

    • Sandy June 22, 2013 at 5:21 pm #

      Here you go: http://youtu.be/FQknQq1o0UM

    • RedDogMom July 21, 2013 at 11:53 am #

      My personal favorite is – “By all that is holy, PLEASE weave.”

  5. leestrates June 22, 2013 at 7:38 am #

    Lure coursing: for these people just not satisfied running a piece of string along the carpet for a kitten.

  6. KC June 22, 2013 at 12:05 pm #

    “There’s a “U” in there” Bwahhahahaha

  7. scorched earth June 22, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

    I am not offended and you ARE timely. Love the blog!

  8. Christine Vezina June 22, 2013 at 11:47 pm #

    Don’t forget about all the woman-mullets in flyball! Usually accompanied by tie-dyed animal themed shirts!

  9. pointydog June 27, 2013 at 4:28 am #

    LOL….I. Love. This. Blog. But I gotta let ya know, there is a whoooole world of hunting dog/field trial competitions out there (way way beyond “hunt tests” or anything to do with the AKC) and trust me, while it’s kind of an isolated corner of the dog community, there is MUCH POTENTIAL FODDER FOR THIS BLOG inside their world, if you can get inside it….lol. If you’re ever interested in having an occasional guest blogger, who is more closely involved with the “versatile hunting dog” side of dog sports, and also “work” training for actual hunting (OMG, some of the average joe types who want their dogs trained for hunting is a whole ‘nother source of LOLZ)…..let me know. I’m sure I could come up with something mildly amusing. Bird doggers get off too easy, they need a little snark-love in the blogosphere too 🙂

    • ThePayferPack June 27, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

      Amen! It really is a whole ‘nother world. We really need to be picked on more 😉

  10. Melissa July 20, 2013 at 1:38 am #

    Ditto the others and don’t forget disc doggers! Reason I love having malinois, I get to try all the sports!

  11. Terry Murphy July 20, 2013 at 1:45 am #

    So funny. I took a friend to his first agility trial and he was fascinated by the handlers walking the excellent courses and that’s what he photographed….

  12. Fry July 20, 2013 at 5:03 pm #

    Oh jeeze you missed Ring Sport, (Dogs that attack peoples legs) PSA Crazy decoys without the michelin man suit that try to steal things off the dash of your car and get attacked. Canine Parkour!

  13. Carol July 23, 2013 at 8:04 pm #

    Great fun, But, looks like you used an image for Carting with the Tracking. Tracking is where the person walks around a field shows how sloppy dog owners are by dropping all their belongings here and there and then send the poor dog out to find all their lost stuff and pick up after them. Carting is more like a walk in the country without having to do all that bothersome trudging. Spritzer anyone?

  14. Patricia Ritz July 23, 2013 at 9:36 pm #

    My Toller friends would not forgive me if I didn’t remind you of Dock Diving!

  15. Carolyn Martin July 24, 2013 at 3:12 am #

    You forgot to explain World Cynosport Rally!

  16. westmark2007 July 24, 2013 at 3:14 am #

    You forgot World Cynosport Rally. What would people think of it?

  17. Victoria August 1, 2013 at 7:41 am #

    This is hilariously insane. I was really LOLing !!!

  18. Liz August 17, 2013 at 4:10 am #

    Duck in a box? Seriously Ah-MAY-zing. That made my day.

    And I AM one of those freaky agility ladies–yoga-panted, Vibram-soled (without the individual toes though, creepy), iPod-ed. Way too serious about it for my own good. Maybe I refrain from yelling my cues as I am walking the course, but otherwise, you got me pegged. At least I can laugh at and recognize the crazy in myself. 🙂

    Great job you all. Keep ’em coming.

  19. Gina July 4, 2015 at 4:13 am #

    Pretty good description of the herding one, to be honest. I was going to protest the laser show part, but then again, here I am planning what color of lights to put on our sheep so we can do a Christmas herding video…


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