Archive | July, 2013

What’s in a Name? A whole lot of bullshitittypoo.

8 Jul

It’s seriously difficult nowadays to keep track of all the fancy names people give their mutts…err…designer dogs.  It used to just be that you could add “poo” to the end of any other dog breed and you were set.  Not anymore.  With a plethora of new names cropping up, we can’t really keep up.  In order to help you (you’re welcome),  we will break down a handful of designer dog breed names and then tell you what their names *actually* make us think of.

Goldendoodle  

What they mean: Poodle +Golden

 What we envision:

Too intelligent, but close enough.

Labradoodle

    What they mean: Poodle+Lab

    What we envision:

Since we’re big on honesty…

Chiweenie

What they mean: Dachshund + Chihuahua

    What we envision:

They both contain teeth.

Chug

What they mean:  Chihuahua + Pug

What we envision:

Shit. It’s still only Monday.

Bug

What they mean:  Boston Terrier + Pug

    What we envision:

Kill it with fire! This is also the downside of New Zealand.

Frug

What they mean: French Bulldog + Pug

    What we envision:

Groovy people know it’s pronounced “froog”

Or for you Indie pig-dog types

Jug

What they mean:   Jack Russell + Pug

    What we envision:

We fail to see the difference.

Morkie

What they mean:   Maltese + Yorkie

    What we envision:

Nanu Nanu. Mother fucker.

Chestie

What they mean:  Chihuahua + West Highland White Terrier

    What we envision:

Those are some big puppies.

Those are some big puppies.

Taco Terrier

What they mean:  Chihuahua + Toy Fox Terrier

    What we envision: 

PvJrGcTM2xvrTZmWMgebK4lQDq2FVHW-1ZdGbjfwUVLyBpLYKDWpJHut3JLbReR5eziRW4Vp856k6pXfVvwKXdg6vkWGWTgj9ycPtTUHusQqK5Rox8KaJU9Q

Remember the 90’s when racism was folksy?

  

Puggle

What they mean:   Pug + Beagle

    What we envision:

    Bitch stole my name!

French Bull Tzu

What they mean:   French Bulldog + Shih Tzu

    What we envision:

Shitting Bull...

Shitting Bull…

Dorkie

What they mean:   Dachshund + Yorkie

    What we envision:

We miss the 90s or at least the parts we remember.

We miss the 90s for all those sentimental reasons.

Ori Pei

What they mean:   Shar Pei + Pug

    What we envision:

 OssGray

OssGray

Crustie

    What they mean :  Yorkie + Chinese Crested

    What we envision:

Crusty, moist, ugh.. Words intended to induce gagging.

Crusty, moist, ugh.. Words intended to induce gagging.

Peke-A-Pap

What they mean: Papillon + Pekingese

What we envision:

Except it’s at a doctor’s office. Think about it.

Newfkom

What they mean: Newfoundland and Komondo

What we envision:

Newfkom1!

**Any designer dog mix names make you scratch your head or giggle uncontrollably?  Share below!**

Shameless Product Endorsements/Slams: Kyjen Invincibles Plush Dog Toy Snake (3 Squeakers)

6 Jul

Product:  Kyjen Invincibles Plush Dog Toy Snake (3 Squeakers)

You sexy, sexy snake.

Average Price: $6.99-$9.00

Durability: High-Very durable

Cool Factor: Medium- High.

General Impressions:

Fang:

I’ll admit it, I have at least two versions of the first generation of this toy already (Green rather than red but same idea) and I think I love it more than my dogs do. For better or worse these are my dogs absolute favorite toys even above the ones that feed them.

When this arrived I was excited and after noting what it was, so were my dogs. To my dogs this toy means two things 1) We’re going to tug 2) Play with the flirt pole or 3) TUG!. I hadn’t even fully opened the box before Z’s nose was shoving in to see it and she was trying to instigate a game of “I own that”.

As the resident seam-chewer Z’s track record with these is iffy. She has destroyed every single “tough” soft toy I have purchased in under an hour. I don’t bother with rubber or nylabones since she won’t touch them. (She is a chewing snob)

This one got off easy.

As I said previously we have the previous edition of this toy. The first one I purchased took about forty minutes but once I got bored and forgot, she had chewed apart a seam and surgically removed and destroyed a squeaker. The semi-ruined toy was still highly valued by the monster and even by M whose attention span on toys is notoriously short. It still resides in the car as a spare tug-toy as I purchased a second one to at least pretend we have nice things. The second however also met a similar fate though at the end of the flirt pole. I had been debating purchasing a third when Kyjen sent us this new generation toy

Since I wanted to give the other dogs a shot at the toy I put it up on the high toy shelf that she can’t reach. It’s been pulled out repeatedly but mostly as a tug toy or when I can contain the beast and let the others have a chance to play. Once everyone had a turn I let the monster go to town and I was frankly surprised. For the sake of experimentation I set aside a day where I left Z alone with it for and hour. I came back into the room and while frayed, the seams were all intact. Every squeaker still worked. The most damage had occurred to the eyes (Pop up fabric at the front of the head) but I consider a half-blind squeaker a vast improvement to the usual destruction I’m met with.

I paused the destruction and settled her with a bully stick in her crate and then brought out M. He as per usual met the toy with incredible enthusiasm. He flinged it. He threw it. He caught it (Once, accidentally. He’s terrible at catch.). He pounced it. He carried it around. He tried to get me to tug with him. All in all he had a blast. The endless squeaking entertained him and it occupied his desired to chew and groom something that didn’t bite back. I considered my experiment finished until H (The geriatric munchkin terrier) came from the bedroom to steal and destroy the snake. In her heyday she was my toy destruction expert. As it is, the snake is simply too large so just merely delighted in tormenting Z and prancing/tripping around with this marvelous thing she was so certain she killed.

I like food and murder.

Pros: Reasonably pleasing colors, Fun tug toy, more durable than other “tough” toys on the market, and inexpensive in comparison.

Cons: The seams aren’t lined with lead (Which is unreasonable, but honestly it’s good,) it doesn’t come in a small dog version (That we know of).

BusyBee:

I’ve often joked that I should get Mr. T a job as a toy tester since he is rather adept at conquering and destroying any toy that crosses his path.  I’m actually fairly certain that he thinks the point of toys is to destroy them, not play with them.  So, naturally I was skeptical when I saw that this particular toy was part of a line called “Invincibles”.  However, I can tell you that it has lasted 4 days, 23 hours, and 57 minutes longer than pretty much any other toy we’ve owned.

Day 1: A Worthy Foe

After a few minutes of frolicking with his new toy, he got right down to business and hunkered down with the sole mission of killing the green snake.  Much to my surprise, after about 10 minutes of trying to tear the snake from seam to seam, Mr. T simply gave up.  I’m pretty sure he was just as shocked as I was that the snake put up a fight.  For the next few days, he attempted to destroy it again, with little success.

On day 5 of the toy being in our home, Mr. T finally managed to rip out the squeakers.   He managed to do so by tearing off the seam on one side of the snake (I’m assuming he had been whittling it away the whole time). The toy’s product info claims that it keeps squeaking even when punctured, but I never got to see that, since Mr. T literally disemboweled the snake and chewed the squeaker into smithereens.  Needless to say, the squeaking has stopped.

Day 5: Silent Snake

Since the squeakers were forcibly removed, Mr. T has shown limited interest in the snake.  He will toss it around a few times, but upon realizing that it no longer makes noise, moves on.   Now, for some of you with gentler dogs, 5 days may not seem like a long time, but I am completely impressed that the snake made it past 5 minutes.

Pros:  Squeaker works even when punctured, no annoying stuffing to clean up when your dog tears apart the toy. Amazingly durable all things considered.

Cons: Squeaker works even when punctured (sometimes it’s nice to have quiet)

Overall:

This toy is actually relatively hardy compared to other “tough” dog toys on the market.  Although it probably won’t last long with power chewer/destroyers, it provided plenty of entertainment, especially for the low cost.   The idea of squeakers that still make noise is brilliant, but perhaps unrealistic for many dogs who tend to shred toys.
Stars:  9 out of 11

Disclaimer: The Dog Snobs were given two toys by the Kyjen company to review. We were in no other way compensated and this is an unbiased review, and in this case they happened to just make a kick-ass toy.

Have one of these toys? Tell us about it in the comments!

Want us to review YOUR dog product? Shoot us an email at thedogsnobs@gmail.com

Owner Profile: The Cesar Millan Wannabe.

6 Jul

Description: We all know them, none of us love them. That’s right- The Cesar Millan Wannabe (CMW). Whether you are a fan of CM or want him to burn in the lowest pit of hell, you have to admit this person is annoying.  Really, really, annoying. The entirety of their dog knowledge is gained from reading CM’s books and watching his program religiously.  Their own dog is usually terribly behaved and completely ignores CM’s most often used catchphrase “Tsst”.

His hero, his teacher, his man-crush.

Common Locations:  Dog parks, where they can impart their “knowledge” on innocent bystanders and demonstrate alpha rolls on unsuspecting dogs.  Trolling internet forums where they pick fights with anyone and everyone who will give them the time of day.

Even the dogs are doing it.

Wardrobe: “Be the Pack Leader” and “Leader of the Pack” t-shirts, rollerblades, fanny packs and dog packs strapped on each hip. Dogs are usually wearing cheap slip leashes, or more recently the Cesar Millan branded products.

Manny pack in so-so many ways.

Breeds Owned: Just about any breed can be owned by the CMW, but they do tend to enjoy having “power” over the larger more powerful breeds like Rotties, Pit bulls, and German Shepherds.

That’s a funny noise you’re making. Do you have food? I like food.

Skill Level: Very Very low, the CMW has never spoken to an actual trainer other than to tell them what they are doing is completely wrong.

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica.

Catch Phrases: “TSST”, “You need to be calm submissive”, “No talk, no touch, no eye contact.”

Dogs can read, right?

Anecdotal Evidence:

BusyBee:  Volunteering at a local shelter, I’ve encountered more CMWs than I can count.  Recently while taking out a puppy with a potential adopter, it became remarkably clear that I was dealing with one of these types.   Within a few minutes of pointing and “tsssting” at the poor confused pup, he proclaimed “This dog won’t mind me.  I can fix that.  Just need to show her who is boss”.   When I pointed out that she responded much better to positive reinforcement (and promptly showed him how eager she was to please when she had some direction), he told me that he didn’t believe in bribing his dogs and that the dog only responded to me because I had known for a while (note: It was my first time meeting her as well).   After a few more minutes of him pointing and commanding the puppy to do things, he tried to force the puppy into a “sit” and got angry when I asked him to please not do that.  I said it was time to go back inside and he stomped away in a huff.  Needless to say, the CMW did not end up getting a dog from us.

A few more episodes and she’ll be ready for the obedience ring,

Potnoodle: My favorite CMW just happens to be a relative of mine. He seems to be fairly convinced dogs are born knowing that “tsst” and a claw hand means bad. His own dog, upon hearing the noise, would roll over on his back. When he visited my house, he tried it on my Australian Cattle Dog/Border Collie mix and she just stared at him like the idiot he was. He then attempted to tell me that the B, the mix, was clearly a red zone case and was challenging him with eye contact. I told him that we had a trainer and that maybe he needed to see one too.

Well you’re stupid. Next please.

Fang: There’s a local “trainer” (and I use the term loosely) who runs around pretending to be a combination of Cesar and Jesus. His concept of clicker training is truly a marvel. He has his own Youtube channel which I will sometimes watch for my own amusement. Unsurprisingly, he has an amazingly devoted following, who are equal parts frustrating and stupid.

I’m not being aggressive, just dominant.

WTF Wednesday

4 Jul

I’m ready to judge American Idol.

We weren’t such a fan of the feather trend for people, so you can imagine how we feel about feather hair extensions on dogs.   Do people who do this realize that their dogs look like Tonto going to a rave? All we can say is that during your first visit to the dog park while rocking this accessory, don’t be surprised if your dog loses an ear to an under-exercised Vizsla with a bird fetish. So unless you want your dog to come out looking like the losing party in a woman’s prison fight… perhaps look at other accessory options for your dogs.

Even this dog can’t pull off the feather extensions.

 

What Not To Wear: Dog Snobs Edition.

2 Jul

Okay, Minions. This is an intervention. Your dog depends on you for food, shelter, water, and love. But there is one more thing your dog depends on you for… not to dress them in tacky ass accesories. Perhaps it is because both Potnoodle and Fang have worked with dogs from the general public, but they are both incredibly judgemental about your dog’s collar and leash. BusyBee is admittedly not a collar whore like her fellow dog snobs, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have some strong opinions on this subject as well.

Essentially.

That’s right. We know where your dog’s stuff came from, we’re judging you for it, and we can probably tell you a bit about yourself in the process. Now before you get all worried, this isn’t a price thing. Inexpensive or affordable items can be great.  It’s when you combine cheapness with a lack of good taste or common sense that we run into issues. In our benevolence, we’ve decided to make it easy for you to snobbify your pet so we can send you out into the world as the stylish, stylish minions that you are.

Sir Mix A Lot… Not a knight for nothing.

Rule #1: Skinny leashes are your friend.

Why is your leash that wide? Get a thinner one. Much unlike jeans, skinny leashes will never make you look ridiculous. One inch leashes are tacky and ugly and generally too big for the dog that they are on. Your Yorkie-poo doesn’t need a 6 foot long, 3 inch wide leather leash. Thinner is lighter, easier to manage, and also not tacky. At an inch we’ll assume you don’t walk your dog a lot. Wider than one inch, we’re going to assume that you’re packing up your wagon to hit the Oregon trail.

Terrys are, as a rule, not to be messed with.

Rule #2:  If it doesn’t fit, donate it.

That collar shouldn’t hang to your dog’s knees and if your dog is turning blue it’s too tight. Know how your collar is supposed to fit and if you don’t know, ask.  And if it doesn’t fit your dog, donate it to a local shelter, veterinarian, food bank (they need more than food) or Goodwill.

Practical, yet pimp.

Rule #3: You’re not in a gang. Put away the chain leash.

A leash is not a self-defense item or an anti-theft device. If you have a pet who needs a chain leash because they will pull through woven nylon, cotton, or leather, you need to return your elephant to the zoo and go get a dog.

Jets! Sharks! Jets! Sharks!

Rule #4:   If it doesn’t look clean, it’s not.

Dirty ratty collars make us think you’re dirty and ratty. Even if it’s the truth, leave us with some mystery. Soap, water and some elbow grease can have your $10 ten year old collar  looking brand new.

You’re gonna want to throw that away.

Rule # 5: Take care of your shit.

Wash it. Dry it. Don’t let the dog chew it. Don’t leave it outside. Don’t bury it for months like Kimchi. It’s not rocket science.

At least the kimchi is protected.

Rule #6:  Rhinestones are for the 90’s, Pageant Girls and Drag Queens

Unless you are Lady Gaga, featured on TLC, or MC Hammer, step away from the rhinestones. If your dog is wearing rhinestones it’s inevitably named Princess or Lord Fluffykins and you’ve probably been nasty to your groomer* which is not something you want to advertise (Unless of course you like being secretly flipped off behind your back)

*Fact: Groomers can tell how awful your dog is by their name and accessories.

Sudden urge to watch “The Bird Cage”.

Rule #7: Coordinate, don’t match.

Yes Virginia, getting the matching leash isn’t a good idea. Yeah stuff comes in sets sometimes, but really? Printed leashes lean heavily towards tacky anyway, but if it’s identical to your collar it’s obvious that zero thought was put into the purchase.  You don’t have to be a canine Michael Kors, but a little bit of effort goes a long way.

That’s a lot of horizontal stripes.

Rule #8 : Flexis are the devil

Do we need to go over this again?

Not relevant, just funny.

Rule # 9:  Animal print on an animal…Really?

Please leave animal print where it belongs…on Fran Drescher, your great grandma Eunice, and tacky bachelorette party decorations.

Please, no more. I look fat in pink.

Rule #10:  Camo is for Marines and Big Game Hunters. Not your Shih-poo.

Does your dog track bear? Are you preparing for it to lead a revolution in South America? No? Then it doesn’t need that camo, period. Put that down. Here’s a news flash… most hunters don’t use camo collars so they don’t shoot their own dog. If they aren’t using a nice plain leather collar they’re using a safety orange one. Don’t inflict your bad taste on your dog.

Is that racist? I feel like because that’s a havanese it’s racist.

Rule #11: If it’s plastic, put it down.

We repeat, do you hunt? No? Than put that plastic safety orange collar down. Your Pug will get a fungus.

Technically that could be an accessory, I guess.

Rule #12:  Expensive doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good quality.

Yeah, spending $80 at a retailer will won’t mention doesn’t mean it’s going to last more than a weekend. A Tractor Supply collar can last you years and years if you take care of it.

I’m sure this was expensive…

Rule #13:  Chain Stores are overpriced

If you have a particular attachment to being unique, don’t act like a twat when you see your ‘hot pink zebra print’ collar and leash set on 14 other dogs on a walk. Yes, they also spent $30 on it so they were ripped off too. There are a ton of online retailers who carry excellent quality and sometimes truly customizable stuff online for a great price.

Including a death spike collar. You’re welcome.

Rule #14: You can make your own

Paracord, strap nylon, ribbon and hardware aren’t all that expensive. If you don’t like what’s out there, try making your own. Fang has become adept at paracord leads and collars while Potnoodle’s custom collar wardrobe for I and L rival most boutiques in inventory. BusyBee fears sewing herself to…herself, so has decided to step away from the crafting table and rely on her more sewing savvy friends to make Mr. T pretty things (hint hint). Potnoodle needs to get on that.

We’re going to need more wine.

Rule #15: Don’t get carried away

Let’s be realistic here, this is stuff for dogs. You really don’t need a $300 collar. You can have nice, quality things without spending a fortune. We’re certainly not saying be a cheapskate, but you don’t have to mortgage your house to do it. It’s all about balancing what works for your budget and what isn’t a pile of tacky garbage. If there’s ever any doubt, remember to aim for classy and fabulous will come with practice. Just because it exists doesn’t mean you need to put it on your dog, or yourself for that matter.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Essentially there are so many amazing options out there for our pets. If you follow our rules, you’ll land on the good side of amazing and not be a WTF Wednesday featuree.

It really is.