Archive | October, 2013

Who Wore it Best: Human vs. Canine

31 Oct

It’s Halloween time, which also means it’s time for truly confusing costumes. It’s a weird holiday that turns a hat and a g-string into a fax machine. Don’t ask us how they do it, it’s magic, but as a tribute to those intellectual giants we’ve got a game for you.

Who Wore it Best: Halloween Edition… Dog Snob Style.

The Cave Maiden

Option A

Option B

What you See the night before sleeping with Snooki… and the morning after. 


Option A

Option B

La…la…la…la… me.

Finding Nemo

Option B

 Option A gives a whole new meaning to boning a fish

Construction Worker

Option A

Option B

The Hat isn’t the only thing that’s… no. We won’t go there. Not in front of the dog.


Option A


Option B

 Hellooooo Sailor, here boy! Come on, wanna cookie?


Option A

Option B

The far dark corners of the interent rejoice. The rest of us shudder in disgust.


Option A

Option B

Anyone that has ever dealt with skunk odor finds both of these terrifying.

Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz

Option A

Option B

There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home… to hide from the humiliation.

Cookie Monster

Option A

Option A

Option B

Childhood Ruined.


Option A

Option B

You’re Welcome. For the Adorable puppy, of course.

Ninja Turtle

Option A

Option B

Heroes On the Half Shell.

**Tell us in the comments, which costumes do you prefer? Do you dress up your dogs, or yourself? If so, what are you/your dog going as this year?**

Diapers, Potty Pads, and Fake Grass, Oh My!: A Potty Training Rant

29 Oct

People are lazy. We get that. We’re lazy too sometimes. What we don’t get are those people who are too lazy to potty train their damn dog.  It’s kind of a dog training basic.  Millions and millions of people do it every year.  It’s really not that hard.  Just like any other type of training, however,  it does take time and patience.  The dog industry has clearly caught on to this desire for a short-cut for potty training your dog and has created several “training products”, none of which we are particularly fond of.


We get a diaper when your dog is incontinent. We get a diaper when your bitch is in heat. We can even sort of understand a belly band on a dog that is a chronic marker. What we don’t understand is a perfectly healthy dog being allowed to marinate in urine for any length of time. Get off your ass and take the dog outside-a diaper is not a potty training aid if your dog is in it for the all of the dog’s life.


Potty Pads

Dogs learn by association, so potty pads are basically telling them that going to the bathroom within the confines of your home is perfectly acceptable.   Imagine their confusion when you get upset when they soil your grandma’s antique persian rug instead.  While potty pads may make a good short-term training tool (and even then we say “meh”), the issue is that many people never successfully graduate their dog from using the pad to going to the bathroom outside.  Do you really want your adult dog peeing and crapping inside?  We don’t. Not to mention that most dogs have the aim of a college dude on spring break, so if your lazy ass never actually moves the pad outside, look forward to mopping up piss for all of eternity.

Potty Grass

While we can kind of see the appeal if you live in a high-rise building where it’s not as easy as just letting a dog out in the yard, the thought of having a urine-soaked patch of synthetic grass on our patio (or our neighbor’s) is pretty foul.  Also, if an owner can’t train his or her dog to go to the bathroom outside (one of the easiest things to teach a dog), how will they train their dog to pee on fake grass? Also, this product seemingly gives owners another excuse not to walk the dog. It’s bad enough that so many dogs get nothing more than a five-minute walk to relieve themselves, but now with products like this, some will be lucky if they get outside at all.  Seriously, just take your dog on a walk.  Some fresh air, real(!!!) grass, and maybe some interaction with other people and dogs might do both of you some good.

This potty patch really complements my new chaise lounge, don’t you think?


The moral of the story?  Get off your ass and actually do the work it takes to potty train your dog.  Will this require some effort?  Yep.   Going outside? Probably.   Patience?  Darn skippy. There are plenty of good resources online that will walk you through potty-training your dog, so do yourself a favor and skip the above “potty” aids and plan on doing some actual work.

Or just do this.


Your German Shepherd is not 200lbs of “Pure Muscle”; a.k.a. Debunking the Clifford Syndrome.

25 Oct

We seem to have a cultural preponderance towards exaggeration. We get it. Heck, we love it and use it, but some forms of exaggerations just make you look like a dumbass. One of the most irritating and prevalent  forms is the tendency for certain types of dumbasses owners to believe with utmost certainty that their dog’s enormous girth is something to be proud of.

Not an ounce of glory on that dog.

And why exactly do these people feel the need to brag about their 200 pound dog?  It’s not a pissing contest. If anything it shows that either your dog is WAY above standard or morbidly obese, neither of which seem particularly appealing to us.

Yeah, your dog may be bigger, but our dad can totally beat up your dad.

Freak accidents happen. Some dogs will go well above standard in many breeds, but this is not something a good breeder is hoping for. The “Warlock” Dobermans, “Royal” Standard Poodles, “King” Shepherds, among others are each examples of the terrible things disreputable people will do to sell puppies to people who don’t know better. That inkling you have of the “King Shepherd” probably being a badly bred Malamute mix is likely dead-on and there is no hope in trying to convince them otherwise.

Big dog. Even bigger pituitary issues.

The reverse of course, is in the purse-dog phenomenon with “Teacup”, “Imperial”, “Micro-Mini Super Tiny Tinkle Tees” or whatever the hell they’re called now. Purchasers of these miller monstrosities are generally extremely defensive over their purchase (Which is commonly defended via yelling purchase prices at people who really don’t care. At least Kanye had himself painted as Jesus on a ceiling.That’s the kind of ridiculous expenditure we can get behind.).

Just ponder that for a moment.

The second group is probably among the most delusional in all of dogdom. Their dogs are 200lbs of “pure muscle”, even as you watch their rolls jiggle and shake as the dog struggles to eke out a full breath. Their dogs are badass, rough, tough and full-on man-eaters, despite the obvious muscular deficiency, wheezing respiratory function, and panting after short jaunt to their bowl, typically filled with the spoils of Walmart (a.k.a. Beneful) to enhance their toned physique. Despite veterinary advice, dog-people advice, and not-so-common sense, they remain convinced that their dogs are fit and trim, and not the chubby sacks of heart disease and fat we all know them to be.

Fat is fat, Husky. Fat is fat.

The third and surprisingly common example is that of the wishful thinker. They know their dog is 90lbs and they’re sure that’s what the vet weighed them at last week.  Despite evidence to the contrary, these individuals still routinely tell individuals their dog weighs ‘a buck ten’.   Maybe it’s wishful thinking or maybe it’s way to compensate for other….shortcomings.

Keep on Keepin’ on, Hillary.

So really, stop the madness.  There is no shame in owning a 70 pound dog. Or a 50 pound dog. Or a truly lean, mean creature. Fit is good!  But we will judge you for insisting that your 90 pound dog weighs 180, or if they actually do weigh 180, or if they weight 90 and are supposed to be 50… There’s just a lot of judgement coming from over here.

WTF Wednesday

24 Oct

“You know what my dog needs?  A wig for every occasion!”….said no one ever.

And yet...this exists.

And yet…this exists.

And this....

And this….

Lady Gaga?  Check.

Shirley Temple?  Check.

Sarah Palin? Check.  

Need something custom?  That can be arranged too.

We’re going to go ahead and assume that most of their business centers around Halloween, because, well, it pains us to think that people would regularly parade their dogs around in wigs.   That being said, we know a few dogs who could totally rock the “Joe the Bartender” look. 


*So, what do you think?  Cute costume idea or over the top?  Would you buy a wig for your dog?  Would your dog murder you in your sleep if you did?  Share below!*


Hands Out of the Bowl: A Rant.

22 Oct

Imagine you’re at a restaurant after a long day and the waiter has just served you your favorite dish.  Before you can even dip a fork into it, the waiter rushes back, takes the food away from you, sticks his hand in it and mushes it all around.  If you’re thinking at this point that you would cut a bitch for interfering with your long-awaited meal, you’d be totally in your right.   So why then do some people insist on messing with their dog’s food while they are trying to eat?


We’ve all heard it, right?  “I can do anything to my dog while she eats”, or “I wanted to see what would happen if I took his food away mid-bite.”   Seriously?  We’d bite too if someone repeatedly messed with our food.  Just because your dog “allows” you to fuck with his food, that doesn’t mean you should.

Don’t let the diaper fool you, she’ll take a finger off.


You’re not testing your dog for resource guarding by doing this; you’re actively encouraging it.   Want your dog to get nervous and tense around their food?  Teach them that meal time means “human plays cruel games with my foods”


You know who’s a giant dumbass? That guy. I think we all know who that guy is. We aren’t saying we let our dogs snarl and wolf down their food, but we do know there is a better way than standing over your dog’s food like the karate kid until the dog snaps and crushes all the bones in your hand.

You can’t see it, but he just punted a schnauzer and a bowl of beneful into the pacific.

Wanna know how to fix it*? Try hand feeding your dog, take the bowl completely out of the equation. If your dog isn’t quite to the bone crushing stage, try dropping a few kibbles of food in your dog’s bowl every time you walk by, delivering his entire dinner that way. That way, food near bowl grows to equal more food. You’ll have to live out your Mister Miyagi fantasies elsewhere.


*We aren’t dog trainers, we definitely aren’t your dog trainer. We just happen to own both dogs and all ten fingers we came in to this world with. When in doubt, ALWAYS consult with a professional trainer. Preferably one that has never been on tv.

Dog Owner Profile: The Dog Sport Hipster

19 Oct

Description: We all know them, some of us feel a benign dislike for them… We’re talking about the Dog Sport Hipster (DSH). That wonderful specimen who seems to be involved in every dog sport known to man and is always at the forefront of what’s coming up next. The phrase “Jack of All Trades, master of none.” comes to mind when discussing the DSH.  These aren’t individuals who simply enjoy exposing their dogs to various activities and trying new things.  Instead, these individuals have every intent to compete and kick-ass in their respective sport, but can’t stick with one long enough to make any real progress. Despite having taken a class in everything under the sun, they don’t seem to be actually succeeding in competitions.  The DSH is the dilettante of the dog world; they bounce from sport to sport and are always looking for the next best thing.

Sort of… but then you gave up and moved on to something else.

Common Location: Training classes, every single one available. On the weekends they can be found at trials gathered with the other DSH in a small training clique talking while sipping PBR.


Breeds Owned: Border collies, sport mixes, pit bulls, other nifty little mixes they will be sure to remind you were adopted after they “evaluated” well as a sport prospect.

Do you find chasing a plastic bag around a field A) Repetitive or B) Extremely enjoyable? 

Skill Level: High, much can be said about the DSH but no one can fault them on their dog knowledge.


Wardrobe: A variety of t-shirts from various clubs and sports they were briefly involved with.


Catch Phrase:  “Agility is just too mainstream for us.” , “Phydeaux really shines as a Treibball prospect”,

I sniffed boxes before it was mainstream.


Potnoodle:  The first DSH that comes to mind was in my agility class for a while. She had an older dog that she had dabbled in a few sports with but her new puppy was going to do ALL THE THINGS. IPO, Dockdiving, Herding, Obedience, and Conformation to start. The poor woman was clearly frazzled with the fifteen different classes she took weekly and the puppy had the attention span of a flea. She only did one session of agility before my trainer took her aside and explained that she needed to slow down and pick a solid starting point. She lasted one more week before she decided agility was not her thing. Last I heard of her, she got really into barnhunt… before it was cool.

“Have you heard of napping? It’s this new underground sport. I was sort of in on the ground floor”

BusyBee:  My name is BusyBee and I have a confession.   I am someone that has pretty much tried it all with Mr. T.  Dockdiving, herding, nosework, agility, obedience, you name it, we’ve tried it.  I’m someone who likes trying new things and has a dog who is always up for an adventure. I guess I would say I’m a borderline DSH.  If it’s out there, I want to try it.  At least once. Unlike a DSH, I tend to space out classes evenly and really only do things for fun. Frankly, the thing that keeps me from becoming a full-blown DSH is that I really don’t have any competitive spirit or need to be a trend-setter.

Mr. T, hiding from the shame that is his hipster mom/ doing nosework. You be the judge.

WTF Wednesday

17 Oct

Do your dog’s bowels freeze when the weather drops below 30?  Does the tinkle disappear when it starts to sprinkle?  Then this product is for you.

No, that isn’t  pup tent for camping.  It’s a poop tent.  For pooping.  Seriously.  This tent is designed to give your dog privacy while taking a dump and shield it from any inclement weather it may encounter while doing his or her business.

We know that a lot of dogs get squirrelly when the weather is shitty (see what we did there?), but we’re not entirely convinced that having them poo in a tent is the best solution.  Are you always going to have the tent with you?  Do you keep one in the car for emergency situations? Will dogs even want to be trapped in a tent with their own poo?

Wait. Wait.  We’ve got it.  If your dog doesn’t take to the tent, you can always use the Poop Tent as a makeshift net for your daily Turd Burglar practice.

Think this is crazy?  Think this is the best invention since the Poop Trap?  Share in our comments!

Ask the Dog Snobs: Round 3

15 Oct

Dear Dog Snobs,

I have a retired NGA Greyhound.   How do I answer the myriad people who exclaim in astonishment “That’s a hound dog?  I thought it was a racing dog?” I am running out of patience and sarcasm *gasp*!   My dog is what is known as a ‘game dog’, but the dog experts I meet every single day have never heard of a game dog.   I find myself wanting to recite her kills this week, but that does upset the poor dears.  Apparently dogs never kill things.  And apparently they have no idea that murder is the intent when giving a squeaky toy to their little ball of fluff.  I await your witty response in breathless anticipation. Thank you for your help.


KILL ALL THE THINGS!!  Also, you’re running out of sarcasm?  Well then you’ve come to the right place. We’re not really sure how ‘hound’ eluded them. It’s right there in greyHOUND. Dogs are intended to be a predatory animal. We know more terriers with a bloodlust like something out of the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” than greyhounds, but the instinct is there. They’re not running around the track for their weekly cardio or because Pilates was full. They aren’t chasing squirrels to make new friends (though some dogs are entirely unsure of what to do with small game once they catch it);  they’re catching it to kill it. Anyone who doesn’t know this, doesn’t know dogs, and therefore is probably a know-it-all moron. Since murder of the stupid  is still illegal, the easiest option is to just walk away.


Dear Dog Snobs,

I live in an apartment building that is dog-friendly. I have a dog.  I love dogs.  What I do not love is that my neighbor’s dog barks ALL the time.  From the time the owner leaves to when the owner comes back, the dog sits at the door and barks.  Before I go talk to management,  I think maybe I should talk to the owner directly.  Is this a good idea?  What should I say?  Help please!

-Sarah K.

Be aggressive.  Passive Aggressive!  Or not.  We do think it is probably best to try to talk to the owner first.  They may not even be aware the dog barks since as you said, it only does is when left home alone.  You can bring it up casually, maybe framing it as you being concerned because the dog seems upset, or you can be straight-forward and just let them know their dog is barking, and that it is disturbing you.     The dog could be barking because it has separation anxiety or maybe it’s just under-exercised and bored. Either way, it would probably be useful to offer them some advice/resources.  Suggestions you could give them include leaving the dog with fun food toys or puzzles to occupy them, upping exercise before you leave so the dog is tired, and working on desensitizing the dog to the owner coming and going.  This last one obviously  will take time, but if done right, can be very useful.    If the owner seems unresponsive or unwilling to work with their dog, then you can totally go talk to the management.  Just because you love dogs doesn’t mean you have to put up with annoying ones.


Dear Dog Snobs,

I just started dating a really nice guy who seems perfect, except that he doesn’t particularly like dogs.   He doesn’t actively dislike them, but he has taken no interest in my own dog (who is the best thing EVER) and seems annoyed when I stop to say hi to cute dogs when we are out and about.   Is this a deal-breaker?  What would you do?  

–Jenn L.

Wait?  You have a date?  Is he a serial killer?  No?  Then what is your problem? Go for it.  We would.  Ok, fine, we guess you want a real answer.  Is it a deal-breaker?  It depends.   If you don’t need a partner who obsesses over dogs like you do, it could work out.   Plus, maybe only having one crazy dog owner is a good thing and could bring some balance to the relationship.  But, if you are dead set on having a boyfriend who will discuss dog poop consistency at length with you (swoon), this probably isn’t your guy.  We can’t really answer this for you, but we can provide you with this lovely image while you mull it over.

One of each, please.


Dear Dog Snobs,

First of all, props on what provided me with several hours of laughter and conversation topics for my dog friends. Secondly, I have a ask the dog snobs question. For many years I had a wonderful rescue border collie whom I adored. He was a rock star of a dog and we competed and titled in Rally-O, obedience, flyball, and agility and were very successful. Most of the people who I was acquaintances/friends with in the world of dog sports had nothing but nice things to say about my rescue border who was of the working variety. I had to have a double hip replacement done on him before he was five(congenital early onset hip dysplastia) and we continued  along our way together until he was eight at which point he was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer and when it was his time to go and he was in too much pain I made the decision to let him go. Long story short I made the decision after much thought and research to purchase my second border from a breeder. I hunted and searched, got told to go to this performance breeder or that one. I eventually made my own decision and went to a breeder who’s dogs are multi-titled (and by that I mean she shows in confirmation as well as titling her dogs in performance events). I thought my ‘friends’ would be thrilled for me. Had I gone to another of the ‘well known’ performance dog breeders I would have gotten all kinds of praise I’m sure. As it was I got some pretty rough feedback(without even knowing the breeder or my new dog!). I even had one acquaintance use the derogatory ‘barbie collie’ reference to indicate to another friend in front of me what I had decided to purchase. She also made a comment about him being a ‘pretty face but who knows if there’s anything going on upstairs’. I’m offended. I’ve cut ties with that ‘friend’ but I just don’t understand. I know there is a huge controversy about borders being added to the AKC and that ABCA wants nothing to do with it. My puppy(who I got at 8 months and co-own with his breeder) already has a UD at 16 months and has passed his Delta certification.  I feel like I (we) are being looked down upon because he is also major pointed and has a dam and sire who are Champions. No one wants to look at the fact that for four generations back on both his Dam and Sire’s side there are multiple  open herding titles as well as OTCH’s, MACH’s, tracking titles, S&R dogs-really the list could go on and on. I believe in a well rounded dog whatever the source and I”m tired of the performance snobs degrading me and my puppy because he isn’t either a ‘rescue’ or a ‘performance bred’ border.  How should I respond when I get nasty comments in the future?

–Borderline Infuriated


The question we ask you is… do you like your dog? Are you happy with your decision? If so, follow the age old advice… Fuck ‘em all. You do you. Go out, title your dog. Don’t pay attention to what lines anyone’s dogs are. If it’s a nice dog it DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER. Good dogs can be found anywhere.  (Unless it’s a doodle. We don’t talk about doodles.) If someone says something rude, you smile, nod your head and then go in the ring and hopefully trounce them. If you don’t, go home, train smarter and try again. Don’t get involved in the politics, within a breed club or a specific sport or a training club. Go train your dog and use results to argue your point for you. If you can’t do that, well… you probably won’t last long before the vultures eat you alive. We train for ourselves and it’s a good practice for you to do the same. Also, we took the breeder name out. If we aren’t judging you for your Barbie Collie, we can’t judge her for her rat faced ones…



**Ok kids, have any questions you need answers to?  Want some snarky inspiration on how to deal with dumb people?  Send us your questions at and we will include them in a future installment.**

Craigslist fails… again.

11 Oct

Sometimes when Potnoodle is in a mood, she goes to Craigslist to yell at the idiots there. This generally results in her sharing her rage with her fellow dog snobs…. and this happens. You’re welcome.

You can’t even spell the made up designer dog breed name for your dog correctly?  You want to meet in a Rite Aid parking lot?  So much class.

Do you have a boder collie or a broder collie?  And what the hell is a gingpigs.

Seen above- the Bro-der collie. Also known as the Wingman-eraner.

who you calling a ho?? Also, Nope… didn’t really need to see your chamber pot dog bowls.Perhaps they should have been called Wench-made.


Not nutured.  So he has still has his nuts? Or did you mean nurtured… did you not hold him enough as a baby? Too busy training him to  to go to the Greek Isles?  A cool trick but was it worth the risk to his mental health?

Ignoring the people in the photograph (and seriously, you couldn’t get a picture of just the dog?), what the hell is a mini collie? I’d assume they meant Shetland Sheepdog but this clearly isn’t a purebred sheltie. Maybe they’ve developed a new breed and this one still has all of its blood?

There’s some important information left out here, like… what does she heal?  If it’s like… the common cold she’s worth way more than thirty bucks.

Matted, nasty, and covered in fleas. Plus he pees in the house but, by god, he DOES have papers. Maybe you can train him to pee on them.… the fu,,,That’s not how you spell Weimaraner. A simple google search… like this, Like five results down and she wouldn’t have been mocked.

Being so Self-Righteous must be hard a.k.a. Stop with the impotent whining already… A rant by Fang

9 Oct

I am a complainer. I embrace my status as a person who by nature will find the flaws, holes, gaps and problems much faster than I can find the good in any given situation.

You missed a spot… Or eight.

I’ve developed several coping mechanisms through the years (Namely a penchant towards short cathartic rants on the ills of the universe as I see them) and in general I have a pretty good handle on the tendency. Awareness of my own flaw however, does not give me much sympathy towards the flaw in other people.

More towards the middle but at least I admit it.

While many things annoy me greatly…

Just fill in the blank on your own

…nothing irritates me much more than the impotent whining of the self-righteous on things they themselves will not address constructively.

There is in fact a difference between having a legitimate concern for ‘The state of Dogdom and all its Glory, forever and ever, Amen” and bitching or gossiping bitchily because you disagree with a result. One is dealt with in a manner that has the intent and potential of making a difference. The latter is annoying, stupid and a major factor in why I hate* socializing with dog people.

“She looked so fat in that harness.”

So let’s break it down, minions. I’m going to give you a few situations, and you can pick your best solution.

Situation Number One: You had a great day showing. You finish your run and you just know you’ve killed it. As the 200s dance in your head, a secondary well-known and traditionally successful trainer came in and apparently wasn’t having a good day either. Their dog was bumping, forging and you’re pretty sure you saw their dog pee on a stanchion or maybe a steward… You knew it! The blue ribbon is yours and hey, probably HIT and best dog in the world! The time for pinning arrives and in you march into the ring with the grin of knowing you’ve won plastered on your face. He calls the first place winner and as you go to get the ribbon you realize the name called wasn’t you…

You’re the dog in case it wasn’t clear.

You can:

A) Loudly seethe about how you know you should have won and the judge was clearly biased. Spend weeks complaining about how the judge was so incredibly unfair and was ruining the sport of obedience. Enter the following weekend with the remnant chip on your shoulder under the same judge just knowing you’re never going to get a fair shot.

B) Accept your prize and congratulate the winner, keeping your inner curiosity about the placings to yourself. When the judge has a moment, ask them to explain your score and where you could have improved. Spend weeks working and training your dog, and maybe watching the film of your run particularly in your weaker areas, and re-enter the ring more knowledgeable about your flaws as a handler.

C) Accept your prize and congratulate the winner, keeping your mouth shut about the placings. You may not have been convinced the the judge’s reasoning but rather than create a scene or start a trial you decide to simply vote with your entries.

D) Accept your prize and congratulate the winner, keeping your mouth shut about the placings. When people approach you about how they thought the class should have been pinned, you brush it off with the “It’s just a game” chestnut and move on. After all, you don’t know what the judge saw that was different.

E) Accept your prize and congratulate the winner, keeping your mouth shut about the placings. You were unconvinced of the judge’s reasoning and you had heard previously of a bias towards certain breeds. After approaching the representative, they re-direct you to the trial chairperson where your concerns over bias are addressed and potentially reported to the AKC.

If you picked B, C, or D, you’re probably a good sport with a good handle on the reality of dog performance events and the realities of competition. It’s not always what you think it is and you don’t always get what you deserve but in the long run, it will all balance out.

Maybe a little precariously but balance all the same.

If you’ve picked E you may be taking this all a little too seriously. Yes, there is a mechanism in place for misconduct, but if you are truly distressed or it was a massive issue at least this is constructive if fruitless.

It covers all of it, actually.

If you picked A, you are the problem, a bad sport and why so many people are turned off competitions, period.


Ignoring the lack of courtesy, what could possibly have made that the right choice? The most offensive piece of all of that isn’t that the judging was unfair (Heck, what isn’t unfair?) it’s that you chose to complain uselessly rather than attempt something. Anything is better than the endless whining of the self-righteous sore loser.

That’s a pretty good summary.

Situation Number Two: You had a great day showing. Your dog did great. During sits and downs for a separate class, you notice the spouse of another handler standing and staring fiercely at their dog.

You will give me that sandwich.

You Can:

A) Wander over to the spouse and strike up a conversation. Distract them from their double-handling in a friendly but persistent way eliminating their assistance.

B) Wander over to the spouse and politely let them know that a steward could mistake their stance and presence as double-handling. If they were to make themselves scarce or at least not be ringside it could prevent a future NQ.

C) Whisper loudly and widely to others about the blatant cheating going on. Inform all (Except the steward, judge or trial chair) that this person is a cheater and should have been excused.

D) Quietly point it out to a nearby steward, who can take it from there.

In this case either A, B or D are perfectly acceptable responses. It is not your direct responsibility to monitor the behavior of competitors, nor should it be, but a friendly heads up could prevent issues in the future. D also removes the potential awkwardness particularly if you are unfamiliar with the person or their spouse.

If Lincoln said it, it must be true.

C is not acceptable as a competitor or a human being.

Really really bad.

It basically comes down to the basic principle of constructive attitudes vs. impotent bitching. Constructive approaches will actually solve or at least begin to address the issue. Impotent bitching is just an echo chamber of dissatisfaction on complaints. It’s the opposite of constructive.

The sport goes Boom!

I get it. It’s hard to be constructive sometimes when all you want to do is bitch, but those are thoughts and tears best saved for your diary or in my case a blog.

Or stay mad because this meme is everywhere… Whatevs.

So in summary, the “AKC Code of Sportsmanship” isn’t just something written up for kicks. It is the standard to which we all agree to upon signing our names on the dotted lines. “Train, Don’t Complain” is a pretty popular refrain for a reason, that I highly suggest we all live by. Perspective on all of this is important and until you can get it, shut up already.

It also comes in my dogs’ signature colors and fits neatly in my trial bag…

*My best friends are dog people who feel the same way as I do. Perspective is given in big doses so the tolerance for useless whining is incredibly low. Things balance out in the end. It’s a sliding scale of karma.