Archive | June, 2014

Sex Toy Saturday

29 Jun

Have we mentioned how much we love our minions?  Why, you ask?  Because they now send us pictures of questionable dog toys and tell us they thought of us.  We’ll take that as a compliment.  We think.  So, thanks to reader Megan for this lovely (?) Sex Toy or Dog Toy Saturday.  So, which one is which??


Option A

Option A



Option B

Option B


So at this point you’re going “Oh Dog Snobs, you can’t fool us.  Those are clearly both sex toys.”  In fact, Potnoodle refused to believe one wasn’t a sex toy after BusyBee told her the answer,  so…. we give you proof:



That’s right.  Option B, despite having two “heads” is a Nylabone. Emphasis on the bone. Really Nylabone, did it have to have that exact shape? You’ve already got the Galileo bone to answer for. And what is that in the bottom right-hand corner of the “packaging”…strong and long?  We just…  To paraphrase one of the greatest modern poets, this toy is long and strong and (we assume) down to get the friction on.


That’s not how that actually works you know… a.k.a. The AKC is not the enemy and why you sound stupid when you say so.

20 Jun

A few months ago a short piece aired on HBO (Home Box Office for them there fancy folks) charmingly titled ‘Unnatural Selection’ on their ‘Real Sports’ program. The theme, was of course, supposed to be Dog Breeding, showing and the pitfalls therein. Not really a friendly topic in dog circles, but it is topical if somewhat delayed from the ‘Pedigree Dogs Exposed’ kerfuffle from a few years ago and more recently its sequel.


Fuck airing that dirty laundry, let’s launch that shit at pedestrians!


The reality of the program however it was… well not.


Dog-based documentaries will do it quicker.


While PDE was incredibly well researched and maintained, while not a balanced but a mostly fair critique (To a point) of the dog breeding establishment, the folks at Real Sports took a different tack. Their overwhelming hypothesis as it turned out was “The American Kennel Club sucks hairy herpe-d balls so neener neener”.


We expected more, Bryant.


Honestly, the general content of the program was laughable The bulldog owner was clearly a dumb-ass (You get not one but two English Bulldogs and you expect them to be a paragon on health? Come the fuck on.), Mr. UKC came across as a dillweed* (Seriously dude, discretion is the better part of valor) and the AKC PR machine clearly screwed the figurative pooch on interview prep for that one but the biggest assholes were by far and away the “reporters” involved in the pap that they passed off as hard-hitting docutainment. Their fact-checkers were clearly either ocupado or set on ‘What the fuck ever. This isn’t football’ mode. So we’re here to clear some things up.

Right Back to Whore Island! Straight back!



1) The AKC is first and foremost a registry business

Boogie on Down


It’s a 130 year old business to be precise. The AKC is paid to keep the records, run the events and be the governing body in the American Dog Fancy. In return they dump a lot of that right back into research and lobbying and bigass events to raise more money for more of those things.


2) The AKC does not mandate breed standards.


You figure it out, asshole.


Those AKC standards that people keep harping on about? Those are not created nor altered by the AKC. Who can alter that shit? That would be the breed clubs for $500, Alex.


3) The Breed Clubs are not the AKC

Which one of these things is not like the others…



The breed clubs function with basic autonomy from the AKC proper. They follow their rules (mostly) and they can play their games and earn their titles. What the breed club deems acceptable is what is in the standard and more importantly what is acceptable in the fashion which you can kind of think of as the unwritten expectations in many breeds.


4) The fashion is what drives extremity, not the standard

I invented the Piano Key Necktie!


Standards, go figure, are open to interpretation. Different interpretations can give you massive type distinctions within a single breed. If one dog of an extreme type becomes inexplicably popular the fashion is then set and the vision of some breeders will shift to adapt to this new shiny ideal. How do you stop the shiny object drift? Easy, education.


5) Judge and Breeder education is mandated by Breed Clubs


It’s completely untouched! Mint Condition!


Again, not in the AKC’s purview. Breed education is set forth by the clubs themselves. Judges need to learn the extremes and they can’t do that if the clubs aren’t showing them what it is they should reward.


Clear as mud?


Now, all that being said, we are hardly apologists for the AKC. As a registry and arbiter of dog events, there is certainly room for a lot of improvement and these are just our off-the-cuff ideas.


1) Some tighter reins on the breed clubs who are being deliberately ridiculous (I know, dog people being insane? Say it ain’t so!) would be nice. We’re not saying they have to shove modifications of the standard to reduce extremity and mandatory health testing down the breed clubs’ throats, but holding them down and making them chew on it a little isn’t the worst idea.


Duh. Now, learn to like it or else.


2) A more concerted effort to educate John Q Public on what “papers” actually mean and how a registration number doesn’t actually equate quality. Or even better, make “papers” mean something again. See above point.


Same value in some cases



3) Infuse some youth into the organization. We’re not saying the Board of Directors is a Crypt Keepers’ convention but they could certainly be mistaken for one. The old guard has great value and should always be a part of the dog fancy, but in neglecting the reality that is a severely aging population of dog fanciers. They will cause their own extinction.


More Top Knot!!!


4) PR isn’t just for nightclubs and politicians. Playing catch-up is fine and dandy but a proactive move in supporting and hell, praising, your good examples of responsible breeders and why they are needed in the first place? Probs a good idea.


Fuck yes, I did.



4.5) Also, AKC, you should probably stop sending reps to dog auctions. It isn’t helping anyone, but that’s a whole other topic for another day.


They Pizza-ed when they should have French-Fried



When  it boils right down, the reality is there will likely never be a documentary that can truly and fairly capture the sport of dog showing and dog breeding. (Unless Best In Show counts, they pretty much hit the nail on the head) There’s an incredible amount of time, money, passion, and insanity that goes into the sport and it really just can’t be captured in ninety minutes by a filmmaker that has already decided on an angle he wanted to pursue going in to the filming.


“But TDS,” you say. “The AKC is horrible and murdered my dog/my mother/my garbage man!”


To you we say, “Pish Posh!” if you have an issue with the AKC either don’t play, or even better, join an AKC club and begin the change from the inside. We’re all for impotent bitching when it’s relevant, but the case of the AKC, lots of decisions are delegate driven. Of course it’s not perfect, and it never will be, this is the life of human-driven hobbies. It certainly however, can’t get better without working together rather than fracturing into 1000 useless pieces. We are all in this shit-storm of zero or just plain bad PR together, and even the most uptight among us has to admit, this is a hobby for odd ducks.


Damn right, Emilio.



… So we’re stuck together no matter who’s in charge.


*Fang regularly plays in the UKC and this interview was a serious turn-off. There is no functional difference between people who breed AKC or UKC dogs. They both have good and bad breeders and they both are registries which means driven by money. Presenting it as the avenging angel vs. the big bad Goliath… no. Not cool Wayne and a massive disservice to the UKC. If you can’t make your point without dragging down others, you probably need a better point, and the sad part is, you do have a good one buried under the vitriol.

And this is why you’re dead to me a.k.a. Why we’re not nice when people who should know better are stupid

17 Jun

We here at The Dog Snobs are pretty easy going peeps, admittedly some of us much more so than others.

There are other types?

There are other types?

We’re usually willing to help our newbie friends and we appreciate being given help ourselves as necessary. I know, shockingly TDS needs help too sometimes. We’re not actually omniscient, though Wiikipedia and Google let us do a fair impression of it most of the time. In our quest for knowledge, we ourselves hold each other to high standards and we hate to break it to you minions, but we will hold you to them too.


Maybe not that many more… but some


Recently there has been a spate of puppy acquisitions among the various tribes through Facebook. Either summer boredom, puppy jealousy or a cheap ad on Craigslist has made a new puppy The Accessory for 2014.

Accessories! Not just for reindeer.

Accessories! Not just for reindeer.

Fang and Potnoodle are not immune to this trend, Fang has herself acquired a puppy and Potnoodle has been alternating between search mode and despair for several months. These acquisitions however fall within the rubric of appropriate snobby conduct. Below we’ve compiled a, shall we say, a behavioral chart, to guide you in your quest.


1) If you’re reading this you should know better than to need this. 

Figuratively everywhere

Figuratively everywhere

Those little red flags flapping like mad in the distance? Yeah, don’t ignore those. Something sketchy about the breeder? Questionably legal practices taking place? What on earth is a good reason to carry forward? Pro-tip kids, a “deposit” is almost always refundable in full or if you’re nice, in part. In fact pretty much all puppy contracts aren’t worth the paper they’re written on.


We’re glad your puppy was cute and sweet and you just had to have him, but you, ex-minion are a part of the problem. In fact, you pretty much are the problem. Good breeders aren’t churning out dogs to be dumped in shelters, the bad ones are, and congrats, you just bankrolled another litter.

2) People telling you to walk away aren’t doing it to ruin your life.

Yes, I'm sure you matter... *pat pat pat*

Yes, I’m sure you matter… *pat pat pat*

If strangers with no vested interest in your life, and little breeder contact warning you off a breeder…  it’s probably for a good reason. If red flags have popped up for numerous other people, it’s probably time to think about the choice you’re making.It’s likely not a good one. An important thing to remember in dogs is that the more you think you know, the more you have to learn and that applies to this too. It’s always a good idea to have a pair of objective eyes look at a breeder before you make a final decision.


3) If you can’t say anything nice, come sit by us.

Standard honest is pretty good too.

Tacit approval? Yeah, never going to happen. If you want a cheering section rather than honest feedback, may we suggest the lyrical stylings of youtube.


Seriously, if you think everyone on the internet is going to make nice and tell you to go right ahead with your bad life choices…. well, welcome to the internet. No one is nice and be careful what you google.


4) Disagreement with you doesn’t make everyone else an asshole


If you want to make a stupid decision, more power to you. We’ll just put it on your list of other stupid decisions. We have a chart. It’s color-coded so, super-fun.


Have I mentioned that Potnoodle rode my ass about getting a puppy? Well she did. And honestly? I appreciate it in a friend. Out of the blue I announce I’m getting a puppy and any sane person is going to have some questions. We’re biffles and all, and homegirl knows I am an expert skeptic, but as my friend, she did some checking as well. Totally unnecessary checking, but I appreciate her interest in making sure I’m not making a horrible decision. When she couldn’t find a few answers, she asked me and thoughtful little munchkin I am, I had already asked and had answers. Rather than getting annoyed (My default setting) I adopted the ever present (Okay not ever but more often present than not) ‘Attitude of Gratitude’. I appreciate the effort my friends put forth for my well-being. Why on earth would I bitch about that?


My heart is full.

My heart is full.



In retrospect, I don’t think I rode her ass. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t making a hasty decision. A breeder isn’t something you can pick in one night. For one thing, a lot of the good ones have wait lists. They generally want to get to know you as much as you should want to get to know them. This is not Burger King, you don’t drive up to the window and get a nicely packaged puppy with all the condiments you ordered. Occasionally, the perfect puppy will fall in your lap suddenly but that’s one gift horse you DO need to look in the mouth.

No listen to the horse! Look! Look hard!

No listen to the horse! Look! Look hard!


So here’s the deal guys. you can make all the stupid decisions you want but throwing a fit when other people disapprove is more than a little ridiculous. Either grow a thicker skin, or use some of that hindsight everyone else is so fond of to maybe think over what you’re doing.

Because you can never have enough leashes…

11 Jun

Leah, the owner at The Evolved Dog suggested that we try out leashes from her store, which specializes in USA made and hand-crafted goods.  Given our differing taste, Potnoodle and BusyBee (Fang decided to sit this one out) chose two different leashes to review, both of which are available on her website.

First off, we give The Evolved Dog an A+ for customer service.  Within a few days of communicating with Leah, the leashes showed up at our doorsteps with some extra yummy treats for the beasts and packed in eco-friendly packaging. Top that*.


BusyBee received the Bayline Leash

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 5.19.56 PM


-Ahoy matey!  This leash is made from sailing line and marine-grade brass and matches perfectly with Mr. T’s new nautical stripe collar, which totally fulfills my recent penchant for all things preppy and nautical.  Now all I need is a boyfriend with a boat and a name like Chad or Tugg.

-The leash is super soft but also incredibly sturdy.  The nice thing about being made from such a hardy material is that you really don’t have to worry about ruining it.  If it’s good enough for Maine lobsterman, it’s good enough for my rough and tumble dog who isn’t exactly gentle with his belongings.


-My only complaint really is that it appears that leash is only sold in a 6 foot length, which is much longer than I usually use.  While not a deal-breaker, I would love if this came in a 4 foot length.


Potnoodle, never one to turn down leather, got the It’s like Buttah Leash

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 5.23.33 PM


– The leash is literally like butter. Softest leather, right out of the box, I have ever owned hands down. Leather is the only material in leashes I really ever use at this point and this one has quickly become a favorite.

– That little ring on the handle. Seriously, is there a reason every single leash in the world doesn’t have those? I order it on all my custom leads but this is the only one I’ve seen that comes with it standard and I love it. So useful.

-This leash is both stitched and riveted, so those of you with pullers need not worry, The leather is thick without being bulky too. (We’ve talked about the pulling thing though. Stop that.)


-Another Dog snob that isn’t a fan of a six foot leash. It just isn’t what I’m used to, and since my dogs are in a four foot range of me when on a leash, that extra two feet just ends up balled up in my hand. Not that I mind with this leash since it is, indeed, like buttah.

– Brass only. I don’t mind brass, since several of my dogs’ collars are brass hardware but if they weren’t… the hardware must match. Always. I’d love to see this leash offered in nickel hardware.


* Sorry, not sorry. The rest of this blog entry was written while singing this:


**If you’d like the Dog Snobs to review your product/products, drop us an email at Keep in mind there are three of us**

 ++We were given two leashes and asked to review them. These are our honest opinions on those leashes.

Caveat Emptor, Dumbass a.k.a. If you won’t help yourself I will mock the crap out of you. A rant by Fang.

10 Jun

Potnoodle has some kind of sickness (I suspect smallpox) and Busybee has been a busy bee, and thus you are stuck with a short vent from me, your humble Fang.

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is a self-righteous idiot. It is one thing to be an idiot. It is another thing to get all up in my grill because you’re pissed off you were a dumb-ass.


Literally everyone else knows.

Literally everyone else knows.


Mistakes happen, I get it. You get excited. That ‘wittle puppy munchkins’ you saw on NextDayPets is just too adorable to resist.. . So you purchase for the exorbitant sum of $400. Six months later with a rampant case of buyer’s remorse, you rail on about how awful everyone is. How dare they breed puppies that have flaws! The horror! The indignity! The… wait a second. Shit! You’re an adult who is responsible for their own purchases? But… but why?


Here is it kids, shitty breeders and rescuers exist. Of course they do. They’ve been preying on the stupid and under-prepared buyer since the dawn of dog breeding. Part of your role as an adult who functions in society (I know, it’s hard) is to be your own damn advocate and learn something along the way. If you refuse to learn how to know better, I can’t help you. In fact, no one can help you. It is probably best if you go wait at the DMV or somewhere where we don’t have to look at you.

Caveat Emptor, kids. It will save you a lot of headaches, and more importantly me a lot of headaches, if you just do the research in the first place.

I do! Oh gosh I do!

Dog Breeds IV: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly e.g. I don’t need it but I want it anyway

7 Jun

Time for more breed profiles!  This time each of us chose a breed that we love and not-so-secretly covet, but likely will never own for various reasons.  Sometimes being an adult and realizing our limitations sucks, right?  But alas, here are our “want but can’t have” breed profiles:


BusyBee–Rhodesian Ridgebacks

I’ve loved Rhodesian Ridgebacks as long as I can remember.  As much as I would love to have one, I’m woman enough to know that they are probably not the best match for me.  That being said, I still plan on ogling every Rhodie that crosses my path.

The Good

1) I’m pretty sure people universally agree that they are a gorgeous dog.  From their regal stature, their big brown eyes, to their muscular builds, a well-bred Rhodesian Ridgeback is a sight to behold.  Plus, let’s be honest, the ridge is pretty freaking cool.

Photo courtesy of Vanessa Macgill, Mikozi Rhodesian Ridgebacks

Photo courtesy of Vanessa Macgill, Mikozi Rhodesian Ridgebacks

2)  They are pretty much “wash and wear” dogs because of their short coats.  Their short, shiny coat was developed to withstand any climate and environment and developed to not hold odor.  You know what that means?  No wretched hound stank.  Praise sweet baby cheesus for that.

3)  Ridgebacks are fiercely loyal family members and bond very strongly with their people.  Owning a Ridgeback pretty much ensures that you will have a dog who wants to be touching you, whether it’s leaning against you or trapping you on the couch while playing “lap dog”.

If it fits, I sits! (Photo courtesy of Phil Miller)

If it fits, I sits! (Photo courtesy of Phil Miller)


The Bad

1) Although not necessarily a bad thing, I am not sure I would like the general aloofness of Ridgebacks around people other than their family.  I tend to be drawn to the more social butterfly type dogs and honestly, Mr. T’s eagerness to be everyone’s best friend is one of the things I love most about him.  Living in a big city, it’s nice to have a dog who thrives on the crowds of people rather than tolerates it or deigns it.  Obviously this natural aloofness can be mitigated in part by socialization, but I don’t know if a dog who is naturally wary of strangers is a good fit for me.

2)  They are a strong-willed dog breed and not for handlers who tend to be pushovers (read: me).  Naturally independent thinkers, Ridgebacks often have their own agenda and it’s not always in alignment with yours. It’s no coincidence that my friend who has owned Rhodesians for years has named his most recent two Stubborn and Stroppy.  With the right owner, these dogs can be amazing, but I’ve seen too many people completely at the mercy of their Rhodies, and I’m self-aware enough to know that I would likely be one of those people too.


Stroppy, Mr. T’s bestie doing his best circus poodle impression (photo courtesy of Adam Braun)

Stroppy, Mr. T’s bestie doing his best circus poodle impression (photo courtesy of Adam Braun)

3) Most Ridgebacks are not fussy eaters and have cast-iron stomachs.  While this may sound like a good thing, I assure you, it’s not.  It means that they will attempt to eat anything that doesn’t eat them first. They are master counter-surfers and will hunt down every last morsel of food they can get to, even if that means chewing through jacket pockets to get to it.  Don’t let those big brown eyes fool you either, a Ridgeback always thinks it’s hungry.


Pure. Torture.  (PURE TORTURE (Photo courtesy of Corey Turner, Semper Fidelis Rhodesian Ridgebacks)

Pure. Torture. (Photo courtesy of Corey Turner, Semper Fidelis Rhodesian Ridgebacks)

The Ugly

1) Given my tendency to be annoyed by stupid people, I’m pretty sure I would tire quickly (like…immediately) of everyone and their mother with a slightly-reddish dog telling me that their dog is a Ridgeback mix.  Pro tip:  That thing that only appears on your dog’s back sometimes?  Yeah, those are hackles.  STFU.



Fang–Chinese Crested


What do Cattle Dogs, Malinois, Jack Russel Terriers and my ex-boyfriend have in common? They’re all assholes. That’s right. I have a type. I love the pushy, bossy, rule-creating and not afraid to back it up, tried and true, assholes*. So it surprises me, likely as much as it surprises you that my true toy-breed love is the Chinese Crested. I had never truly considered one until cuddling with one of these tiny naked alpacas and then it was love at second hug.


There may have been wine involved (Photo courtesy of Dee “Déjà vu One Hot Habanero”

There may have been wine involved (Photo courtesy of Dee “Déjà vu One Hot Habanero”)


 The Good

1) They are crazy smart. Helpful smart, not so much, but if you need to plot a cat burglary, these guys are in, and would probably ask to run the explosives.Our professional opinion is “For the love of God don’t let them”. While not a traditional performance breed, Cresteds can and do excel in agility and obedience.


I fetch.  What can you do, asshole?

I fetch. What can you do, asshole? 

2) A wardrobe is a legitimate and necessary thing to spend money on and the options are absolutely hilarious and adorable.

3) Want to have a pun as a registered name? The Crested is your breed. You will hear more variations of nudity puns than you ever knew existed. The dirtier the better.

 4) If you want a small dog who’s game for anything but isn’t a terrier, a Crestie could be your dog. These dogs are just plain fun. Entertainers by nature they want to interact with you and be your constant companions.


Surfs up, moondoggie!

Surfs up, moondoggie!


The Bad

 1) You know how I said they were smart but not necessarily helpful? While they may not be evil geniuses they certainly know how to make their owners dance. From unstuffing couch cushions by way of zipper-opening skills, to escaping out of ex-pens and into an alleyway just because it seemed like a good idea at the time,a Crestie will keep you busy and not necessarily in the ways you expect.

2) One of the downsides to their lithe lean little bodies is their overall fragility. While they think they’re big and bad, they’re well, not. Bones can break and crazy falls from ridiculously high places they never shoulc have accessed in the first place are not unusual nor unheard of. As small dogs they’re also very very sensitive to minor weight changes. Three days of not-eating isn’t great for your Dane but it can mean massive weight-loss for your Crested.


I'm so broken

I’m so broken


3) Dislike the smell of sunscreen? Not overly fond of bathing your dogs? Then you don’t need this breed. Acne, sunburns and general contact allergies plague the breed. Their skin is a constant chore and it will never ever get easier.


Fun fact.  Cresteds tan.

Fun fact: Cresteds tan..

4) Puppymillers have begun to see the appeal of the little naked bastards. It will only continue to get harder to find well-bred healthy dogs.


The Ugly

 1) A paragon of health the Crested really is not though compared to many equivalent toy breeds, they’re in much better shape. Eye, teeth and joint issues tend to be the big problems though about half are genetic recessives and can be tested for and bred away from. The others can be painful for both your dog and your wallet so be prepared to ask your breeder a metric fuckton of questions on not only the parents of the litter you’re interested in, but their parents parents and so on and so forth.

2)  The main reason I don’t have 40 cresteds and live in a shoe right now is that people are assholes. Every twatface on the street has some smartass comment or stupid questions while groping the dog and frankly, I can’t take that kind of human interaction on a daily basis. I can barely handle it with the more traditional looking dogs I have already. There are also the reactions of friends and relatives to think about. More than one owner has been surprised by the vehement dislike people have had for their new naked. While I have no problems cutting off people who have nothing pleasant to say about my dogs, other people may have some reservations on that front.

*My ex was only one of those things. Guess which one.


Potnoodle–Bull Terrier

I have a type when it comes to dogs. I can admit that. I like them lean, tall and elegant. Then there is my weakness… the Bull Terrier. I don’t care what color, I don’t care what size… I love them. I’m also smart enough to realize that special brand of bull headedness would probably drive me crazy. After all, the AKC standad says the BT is “best described as a three year old in a dog suit”. Still, Every single one I meet makes me want one even more.

Catfish, credit to Hannah Bauchat


The Good

1) The drive. Seriously, there are some awesome bull terriers out there doing some awesome things. Obedience, Agility, whatever. If you know how to motivate them, they can probably do it. (Jane Killion, anyone?)

Catfish, again. You guys should have sent us more BT photos. I’ve just resorted to stealing these. Credit to Hannah Bauchat.

2) LOOK AT IT. If you don’t want to squish that egg head, something is wrong with you. The awesome part?. The bull terrier is totally down with you squishing his face. They’re a full contact dog, for the most part. While they don’t always know their own strength, the BT is a pretty sturdy dog with a friendly temperament.

3) Another thing mentioned right in the AKC standard, they’re total clowns. I have poodles, so obviously I appreciate a good sense of humor in a dog and there’s something about a bull terrier that just exudes “Joke’s on you!” but you just can’t help laughing along. Do us a favor. Go to youtube and search “bull terrier hucklebutt”. It’s okay, we’ll wait. Is your day now 30% better? You’re welcome.

3 ½) I’m sort of obsessed with the weird way their legs just stick out of their body. I can’t describe it, I just love it.

The Bad (  It’s a really good thing we’ve moved on to the bad because I have totally talked myself in to a BT at this point)

1) Destruction. You may have noticed in those videos you were stuck watching for like an hour, bull terriers are sort of… extreme. They’re like… frat boys. They don’t really mean to destroy everything they come in contact with… it just sort of happens. The owner of the lovely Catfish above calls him a “Bull Terrorist” and it’s isn’t inaccurate.

Credit to Donna Darnell

Credit to Donna Darnell


2) You may have noticed I mentioned Jane Killion above. She trains and breeds some really lovely bull terriers. For those of you not familiar with her work, the title of her book is “When Pigs Fly: Training Success with Impossible Dogs”…. and there’s a reason for that. Bull terriers can be a bit pig headed but once you clue in to how they learn well… refer to above.

The Ugly

1) Same sex aggression. Like most Bully breeds, the BT can be SSA. That doesn’t mean all of them are, in fact a lot of them seem not to be but same sex aggression isn’t something you can really spot until the dog approaches maturity so it’s a bit of a toss up when buying a puppy. While this is less of a big deal to some people, it’s pretty much a deal breaker for me… for now.


**What breeds do you love but can’t have?  Share below!**

WTF Wednesday

5 Jun

If this isn’t a slow dog-powered drill to hell, we don’t know what is.


Dog millMotorized Dog Walker

It may surprise you to learn that there is more than one company who makes these but only one came with a youtube instructional video.

Our favorite part is the Beagle desperately trying to pee while being hauled around by the harness. Her struggles were futile but what about a dog with some more, shall we say, heft?

That would be one way to trench the yard.

If you are as much like us as we suspect, your first reaction to this contraption beyond ‘What fresh hell is this?’ was obviously, ‘I need it.’  What’s not to love? It’s stupid-looking enough to piss off your neighbors and it totally removes the pesky human exercise aspect of walking your dog.

A few alterations including a squirrel bungeed to an RC car and some reverse engineering gobbeldygook and you have a generator to power the mini-fridge you need to hold the beer for sitting outside and watching the people gawking at your dogs.

But What About the Nice Dogs?

2 Jun

This might feel like we’re jumping on the bandwagon, but we’ve been discussing this on and off for weeks. First with the case of the dog that “mauled” the child in his own backyard and now lately with the dog that had its ass kicked by that cat when he tried to attack a child.


To get to the point we’re trying to make with this article first we need to talk about Real Dog People vs. Dog Lovers. We consider ourselves Real Dog People (you down with RDP? Yeah you know me.) Of course, we love dogs. More than we love people, most of the time. We also aren’t stupid. We know there’s a line. We know dogs, almost as much as we love them and that’s the difference between RDP and Dog Lovers. Dog Lovers LOVE dogs. They’re the people that come up and lean over a nervous dog, cooing in a baby voice and just asking to be snapped at. They’re the people that assume every undersocialized dog in a shelter was horribly abused and every slightly scarred pit type thing was a bait dog. They really do have the dog’s best interest at heart… or at least what they consider the dog’s best interest. Rather it actually benefits the dog or not remains to be seen.


That brings us to our point. We have a question for all the Save Mickey type folks  out there. What about the nice dogs? What about those fantastic loving dogs of all breeds and mixes that have never bitten a person, the ones who die while you tie up funds and space saving a dog that will live toothless in a concrete box for the rest of his life? Do those dogs not also deserve life?

We aren’t getting sappy here (Well, we aren’t trying to.). We’re asking a serious question. We also aren’t being inconsiderate of the dog. In fact, we’d say that we’re very much considering the happiness of these dogs, much more than those who fight to save them… only to have them stuck in a 4×6 kennel run for the rest of their lives. That’s no life for a young physically healthy dog.


So, naturally, the outrage over the recent lab/chow mix has us confused. In case you’ve fallen behind on your viral video watching, here’s the video.

The average person watching this video probably laughs at the cat going after the dog. Anyone dog savvy has an entirely different opinion though. To RDP, we see something disturbing. We see a dog that is quite obviously stalking a small child. This wasn’t a fear bite, this wasn’t even a guarding bite. The  child wasn’t speeding by on a bike, he wasn’t teasing the dog. He was peddling around in his own driveway and the dog clearly spotted him from quite some distance and began stalking him. This was a dog with extreme prey drive that stalked the boy, grabbed him, shook him, and attempted to drag him off. This is a dog with zero bite inhibition who meant serious harm to that child.


Now let’s talk about what the Dog Lovers saw. Go peruse any story related to this and you’ll find all sort of victim blaming and discounting of the dog’s actions in the comments.  Should the dog have been confined?  Yep. Should it have been trained?  You betcha. Is it still a seriously scary dog even taking into account those “human” elements?  Absolutely.  And yet, there are hordes of Dog Lovers begging the SPCA to save this dog and rehab him, even offering their own hard-earned money for his continued care. It should be noted that in this case, the Bakersfield SPCA ended up euthanizing the dog (the right choice, in our opinion) despite the public pressure to save him.


So, again, we have to pose the question.  When there are so many truly wonderful, truly adoptable dogs in shelters that are euthanized every day because of lack of space or money, why are so many “rescue” people focusing on saving this one animal?  We can’t save them all, but we fail to see why we should save one that poses a serious safety risk at the expense of throngs of others who ended up in shelters through no fault of their own. And even if we could save them all, should we? As animal lovers should we really be warehousing these dogs for an indefinite fate in a shelter with public funds?  While truly damaged and dangerous dogs are few and far between, they do exist, and even if this were just poor socialization and management, the damage has already been done. It’s a dangerous precedent when the indignation over the justifiable euthanasia of a dog who’s launched an unprovoked attack on a child garners more offers for adoption and help than the friendly dog a few kennels over. Where is the outrage when that dog gets euthanized? And the stable friendly dog in the kennel next to that one? And the next one? Where are the candlelight vigils and Facebook campaigns? How many spaces can dangerous dogs take up in shelters? What happens when there’s no space for any stable dogs, do we open another shelter? Is this really what animal rescue will come down to? We sure hope not.

*It is worth noting, since the time this article was stated, the Lab/Chow mix has been euthanized. Kudos to that shelter. Let’s hope it sets a precedent.