Archive | September, 2014

Don’t feed your dog a vegetarian diet, you damn hippie.

23 Sep

Said no dog ever.

Ok, let’s talk dog nutrition.  Dogs are carnivores.   Well, two out of three Dog Snobs say so because technically speaking, Giant Pandas are also carnivores if we’re being literal, even though their diet consists of 90% plant matter. Anyways, what we can definitely all agree on is that dogs are NOT meant to eat a vegetarian diet. We know your rescued Formosan Mountain Dog, Kale, loves her vegan kibble, but guess what, you dirty dirty hippie–dogs love cat shit. That doesn’t mean that your dog can exist entirely on Kibbles n’ shits,  though they might do a bit better than on your weird soy based nuggets.

Let’s play a game. We’re going to post the ingredient list an AAFCO approved Vegan Dog Food and the ingredient to a Guinea Pig Food and ask you to tell us which is which…


Food A: Dried Peas, Brown Rice, Pea Protein Concentrate, Oats, Sorghum, Lentils, Organic Canola Oil, Peanuts, Sunflower Hearts, Potato Protein, Brewers Dried Yeast, Alfalfa Meal, Flaxseeds, Natural Vegetable Flavor, Quinoa, Millet, Calcium Carbonate, Dicalcium Phosphate, Salt, Potassium Chloride, Vegetable Pomace (Carrot, Celery, Beet, Parsley, Lettuce, Watercress & Spinach), Taurine, Vitamins (Vitamin E Supplement, Niacin, D-Calcium Pantothenate, Vitamin A Supplement, Biotin, Vitamin B12 Supplement, Vitamin D2 Supplement, Riboflavin Supplement, Thiamine Mononitrate, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Folic Acid), Choline Chloride, Minerals (Zinc Sulfate, Ferrous Sulfate, Copper Sulfate, Manganous Oxide, Sodium Selenite & Calcium Iodate), DL-Methionine, L-Lysine, L-Carnitine, Parsley Flakes, L-Ascorbyl-2-Polyphosphate (Source of Vitamin C), Dried Cranberries, Dried Blueberries, Preserved With Citric Acid and Mixed Tocopherols (Form of Vitamin E)


Food B: Alfalfa Meal, Soybean Hulls, Wheat Middlings, Soybean Meal, Soybean Oil, Salt, Lignin Sulfonate, Cane Molasses, L-Ascorbyl-2-Monophosphate (Vitamin C), Limestone, Yeast Culture (dehydrated), Vitamin E Supplement, Choline Chloride, Zinc Proteinate, Zinc Sulfate, Ferrous Sulfate, Niacin, Copper Sulfate, Selenium Yeast, Vitamin A Supplement, Folic Acid, d-Calcium Pantothenate, Copper Proteinate, Riboflavin Supplement, Manganese Proteinate, Biotin, Manganous Oxide, Thiamine Mononitrate, Magnesium Sulfate, Vitamin B12 Supplement, Sodium Selenite, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Cobalt Carbonate, Vitamin D3 Supplement, Calcium Iodate


Food B is, of course, the guinea pig food, but but we really feel there should be more difference between the two.

Here’s the thing–there is a difference between thriving and surviving.  While theoretically a dog could subsist on a vegetarian diet, it doesn’t mean it’s ideal. Plus, if you really claim to be humane (and isn’t that the reasoning behind most vegetarianism), isn’t part of that also about respecting different species’ inherent needs?  So, if you must own a vegan or vegetarian pet… get a damn rabbit.

Unless you’re Monty Python. In that case…Run away! Run away!

For a look back at a previous post on our personal vegetarianism and feeding our dogs, click here.

WTF Wednesday: The Dying Alone Version

17 Sep

Ready for Christmas? No? Us either, but we do have the perfect gift for the saddest people you know… and we mean really, really, really sad.


We’re pretty sure this is not what The Beatles meant when they crooned, “I want to hold your hand”.

We’re pretty sure this is not what The Beatles meant when they crooned, “I want to hold your hand”.

That will come in…handy.

We are also fairly certain that the type of person who uses this leash also sleeps with a boyfriend pillow.

Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 12.42.20 PM

Don’t be that person.

Owner Profile: The Do I Need a Vet Dunce

9 Sep

Description:  The polar opposite of the “Hounding Hypochondriac”,  the “Do I Need a Vet Dunce” rarely, if ever, gets their dog vet care, at least without desperate poking and prodding from friends, family, and internet strangers.   The DINAVD is unlikely to recognize a true emergency even if it literally hits them in the face in the form of pus.


Common Locations:  NOT at the vet, sitting on the couch eating bonbons while their dog hacks up an internal organ,  on Yahoo answers and breed specific Facebook groups asking “How much blood is too much?”

Hey, post on Facebook and see if there is a holistic cure, ok?


Breeds Owned:  Labs, Boxers and other accident prone dogs.  Dogs with protruding eyes like Pugs and Bostons.

And over there...on the floor.

And over there…on the floor.


Skill Level:  Skill level definitely follows a bimodal distribution.  Many are completely inexperienced and don’t realize what a true emergency is, while others are experienced dog owners who think they can take on any malady themselves even when they shouldn’t.


Duct tape: Not just for resetting broken legs and cropping ears.


Catch Phrases:   “It’s just a flesh wound”, “He’ll get over it”, “Do you have any aspirin?”



Anecdotal Evidence:

Potnoodle:  The person that first comes to mind with this Owner profile is not someone I know in my every day life, but rather someone I once saw in an American Bully group I joined, not because I am a fan of the breed but more because I have an anthropological interest in people that measure their dog’s toughness by how large his head is. Anyway, the DINAVD in this situation was a “breeder” and had a bitch that had recently given birth. The bitch had since prolapsed and the Dumbass was asking if he could “shove it back in and hold it with a stitch” himself and avoid a vet visit. I nearly died. Needless to say, I’m no longer in that group.

Better ask other people who don't know what they're doing either.

Better ask other people who don’t know what they’re doing either.


BusyBee:  Among my other vices (mmm…cheese), I admit to having spent an inordinate amount of time on the “Answers” section of a popular dog-centric website.   Despite knowing better, I often find myself stuck in a spiral of stupidity brought on by the slew of DINAVD who routinely post there.  Whether it was asking if a broken leg would heal itself, if it was a bad sign that mama dog had started labor 3 days ago and no puppies had been birthed, or how to best pop a Pug’s popped out eye back into it’s socket , the answer is pretty much always the same… GO TO THE DAMN VET.   And yet, you’ll see people try to justify NOT going to the vet as hoards of internet strangers are pleading for them to seek professional help.   While it’s a good thing to have a working knowledge of canine first aid, it’s even more important that you recognize what is beyond your skill level…and getting off the damn internet to get it taken care of.

Because...the internet.

Because…the internet.