This is not Burger King, you cannot have it your way.

3 Oct
Supersize me!

Supersize me!

We aren’t here to judge if you supersize your meal, or order a Happy Meal because you’re  broke and you like apples and chicken nuggets make great training treats… wait. That was a tangent. Moving on. Our point was that we really need you to stop custom sizing your dogs. And by ‘you’ we mean shitty breeders. And by custom sizing, we’re thinking of your tea cup Saint Bernards and your Royal Standard Poodles.

Not this kind


They say size doesn’t matter (that’s what she said), but apparently to many people it does.  What’s more special than a Malamute?  A Giant Malamute.  More precocious than a Lab?  A Miniature Lab.  From Pocket Beagles to Miniature Rottweilers, they’re pretty much making it all nowadays.

Among her vices, BusyBee counts an obsession (mostly so I can snark…I swear) with celebrity gossip.  So naturally she was among the first to see that Paris Hilton recently bought herself a micro-teacup Pomeranian.   Not just any micro-teacup Pomeranian, mind you, but the WORLD’S SMALLEST micro-teacup Pomeranian.  In case you’re sitting here thinking “Oooh, I need one”, let me take a second to give you some solid life advice: If you find yourself doing the same thing as Paris Hilton, it’s time to rethink your life choices.  

First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it'll kill him. Second, don't give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight.

First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it’ll kill him. Second, don’t give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight.

I, Potnoodle, have standard poodles. I get the appeal of a dog breed that comes in multiple sizes but so often they’re bred by the shittiest of breeders. While visiting  Fang in another state that is not the state I live in, I always drive past the Miniature Dalmatians sign. Do you know any responsible breeders that thinks a billboard on a major highway is a good idea? Can you imagine how many families going on vacation are lured in by the idea of a pocket sized version of that one dog from those movies? Because I can, and it keeps me up at night.

Miniature? That’s pointless. I’ll need at least two hundred and one for a decent coat


The real question we have for you, gentle readers, is why humans are obsessed with the size extremes. You could get either a beautiful and responsibly bred thirteen inch beagle or you could go get a Queen Elizabeth Pocket beagle which will most certainly have shitty knees, probably has Dachshund in the lineage somewhere, and will likely get larger than 13 inches anyway. That’s the thing about the tiny breeds ( and some of the larger ones)… they have something mixed in there to make them tiny. Papillon, Pomeranian, Chihuahua, Demon Bat…. something.   Whatever it is, we beg you to step away slowly.

17 Responses to “This is not Burger King, you cannot have it your way.”

  1. Kate October 3, 2014 at 10:52 pm #

    haha demon bat.

    I had to convince a friend recently that getting a ‘teacup’ anything was a bad idea….. although she had that look on her face that suggested that she didn’t believe me and would probably buy one anyway.

  2. Juli Goodrich October 3, 2014 at 11:05 pm #

    YES!!!!!! I’m not interested in your friend’s attempt to breed a teacup pit bull.
    Whyever not, you gasp.
    Because REASONS:
    a)”creating” a new breed = many many many generations of unpredictable results. Also, it’s been my experience that the folks ambitious enough to “create” a new breed, aren’t sharp enough, lucky enough, or skilled enough to choose good foundation stock.
    b) temperament is always secondary to looks for these people.
    c) many tiny dogs have very terrier roots. Adding more terrierness to many breeds is…..not my first choice for making them MORE pleasant to live with.
    d) Nope. Teacup-sizing does not make them a puppy forever.
    e) Discard pile? What’s the plan for all the mutts created inadvertently?
    f) Teacup pig history.
    g) Teacups are for tea.

    • lolly October 3, 2014 at 11:55 pm #

      Teacup PIT BULL? Please tell me that’s not a thing.

      • Donna October 4, 2014 at 12:36 am #

        They are called “Pocket Pits” and are usually very crazy. Unfortunately, we see too many of them in Southern shelters because the hicks really like them – until they go crazy on their chickens, pigs or kids.

      • Jen October 6, 2014 at 5:38 am #

        Actually the teacup pittie or “pocket” pittie you may be referring to, may be along the lines of a staffordshire terrier, one of the breeds often called pitbulls. A true staffie ranges in weight from 20-35 lb-ish for females, and 25-40 lbs-ish for males. SCHOOLED!

  3. bgszap2 October 4, 2014 at 12:53 am #

    The only thing worse that I can think of than a mini mini is a Munchkin cat– the cat with short legs– and this coming from a Basset owner. I think they’re hideous. Poms have been getting smaller for years, it seems to me. I once wanted a Papillon and my husband said we could not have a dog so small that we might kill it if we stepped on it in the night.
    I think he was wiser than he knew and perhaps that should be adopted as a size standard on all dogs.

  4. Bonnie October 4, 2014 at 1:32 am #

    O.M.G. You just described our 10 month old GSD dog in a scarily accurate way. We call her demon dog on occasion. She is black with a plush coat so have dealt with a fair share of folks who are convinced she is a wolf hybrid.This is our 2nd GSD so we know that the challenge is worth it. However, I do find myself worrying about the other pups in this litter and hoping they were placed with folks who know the game plan.

  5. Kelly October 4, 2014 at 2:04 am #

    Teacup anything is just asking for trouble. Genetically they can be a nightmare but they can be a nightmare physically too. Those tiny jaws simply cannot hold a full complement of 42 teeth, so you get dental and feeding issues. Teacup toy breeds are much more prone to hypoglycemia because they have a difficult time consuming sufficient calories for their bodies to maintain homeostasis. Their bones are more fragile because, again, they cannot consume sufficient quantities of food to provide sufficient amounts of calcium and phosphorous for proper bone growth. I wouldn’t want the expensive vet bills from these tiny tots.
    And to the person who hates Munchkin cats: according to what I have read, the short legs were caused by a spontaneous mutation, not originally from a deliberately planned breeding program. I personally don’t care for them either, but I find the hairless breeds to be more of a monstrosity than the Munchkin.

  6. Joan October 4, 2014 at 2:45 pm #

    Agree, agree! And on the other end– the “Royal Standard Poodles.” One of our most respected breeders (who still handles some of his own dogs in his late 80s) says “this is supposed to be a medium-sized breed.” I’m tired of people asking if my 22″ bitch is a mini. Standard poodles aren’t supposed to be huge. And personally, my motto is “don’t have a dog that is so large that you can’t pick it up and carry it in an emergency.” My male, at 25-1/2″ and 63 lbs. is at the upper end of that scale. I wouldn’t want anything larger, and yes, I can pick him up when necessary.

  7. dalsrule October 4, 2014 at 4:51 pm #

    I know of at least one “breeder” in the Southern U.S. that is breeding miniature Dalmatians. Being in a Dalmatian Rescue, I shudder to think how many of them are going to wind up in rescue like all the ones people acquired after the Disney Movies.

    Makes my heart hurt.

  8. originalwacky October 5, 2014 at 8:38 am #

    I cannot for the life of me understand why people always want to ‘one-up’ everybody else and have the smallest, biggest, loudest, something-est thing in the WORLD. I get being competitive and all, but getting to the point where humans are damaging other species to accomplish these goals is just… not good.

    Then again, I’m just some idiot who has had lots and lots of animals for a lot more years than I like to admit to, and haven’t ever managed to have the whatever-est one yet. I suppose I’d better hurry up and pay somebody thousands of dollars for the crappiest representation of a breed I can find!

  9. Aussielover October 5, 2014 at 8:04 pm #

    Ahh but one of these “mini” breeds has thrived and even gotten AKC recognition for crying out loud. Welcome (or not) the Miniature American Shepherd! Most Aussie people I know are disgusted. Since when does miniaturizing (and likely mixing) an existing breed make it eligible for AKC recognition? I am flabbergasted!

    • Betsy Copeland October 6, 2014 at 5:18 pm #

      Don’t forget the Mini Bull Terrier recognized by the AKC in 1991

      • Rachel October 12, 2014 at 6:23 am #

        Which despite being smaller has a much shorter life span than the standard Bull Terrier. Not a good sign,if you ask me. They can be functional and great dogs,but something went kind of wrong in the creation for this to happen.

        Although at least their considered different breeds,it’s hard to imagine the same dogs,the Saint Bernard’s,Rottweilers,Great Danes,Bull Mastiffs,Neapolitan Mastiffs and Newfoundlands of yesteryear are the same dogs as today. I actually wish their was a smaller sized version of these breeds that fit the standard of the old time dogs,with Rotts their actually used to be but we don’t seem to like differences in size when it comes to “working” and general large breed dogs.

  10. Tern October 6, 2014 at 12:51 pm #

    I belong to a small dog playgroup (I have yorkies) and a couple there (who already have two miniscule dogs who don’t look overly healthy) was talking about how they want their next dog to be under 2 pounds full grown. I could not think of what to say to these people.

    • pommom101690C October 6, 2014 at 1:53 pm #

      You can pretty much tell them to kiss their savings goodbye. Nearly 12 years ago, my parents purchased a “teacup” Pomeranian from a backyard breeder in south Alabama. While we loved Lil Bit dearly and she is the root of my obsession with Pomeranians, she was a genetic nightmare. She was a diabetic, despite only weighing 2.5lbs. Her fur was a hot mess. It would just fall out sometimes. We never knew if she would grow it back. Her knees were shot. She was almost too small for us to spay her. Although she had many dentals, she still lost most of her teeth. Lil Bit died from kidney failure last Christmas, shortly after her 11th birthday. A well bred Pom with good healthcare and nutrition can live to be nearly 20. Unfortunately, Lil Bit suffered because people, my parents included, wanted a dog that is unnaturally small.

      That being said, I have 3 rescued Poms now, all of whom are larger than breed standard. They are about 11lbs each. I think they are far healthier and sturdier than their much smaller counterparts.

  11. Mary Ann Williamson October 15, 2014 at 6:15 pm #

    “Royal Poodles?” I don’t have a Poodle, but I had been wondering how a couple down the street ended up with a gigantic one much larger than other Standard Poodles I see.

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