Archive | December, 2014

Don’t Buy that Puppy in the Window

25 Dec

You only have a few hours left until Christmas, and if you’re like us, you’re doing the last minute “oh shit I’m running out of time” scramble.   While there are many suitable last minute gift options out there (think jewelry, electronics, and gift certificates), getting a puppy as a Christmas surprise is NOT one of them.  Seriously.  Don’t do it.


We’ve all seen those videos online of small children squee-ing with glee as a fuzzy puppy flops out of a box with a giant red bow.  Here’s the thing though. Kids (and frankly, a lot of adults) are notoriously unreliable (and smelly and gross…oh wait…different blog post).  Anyway, the puppy melts their hearts for a few days or weeks. The kids oohing and aahing under the tree while harassing the new puppy will soon move on to video games and  texting their friends 322 times per day.  It’s no coincidence that you never see viral youtube videos of a family ignoring their dog once the novelty wears off.

until I get bored.

One major problem with the surprise Christmas pup is that pretty much no ethical dog “provider” (whether it be a breeder or a shelter) will support the idea of giving a dog as a surprise present. Good breeders have spent years carefully creating breeding programs and selecting proper owners. Similarly, experienced rescue group volunteers and shelter workers generally hate the whole idea of the Christmas dog because they know many of those dogs will be coming back to them a few months later.

So what kind of dogs are readily available at Christmas?  Probably the ones you shouldn’t get. Puppy mills grind out thousands of puppies to meet holiday demand and fill up pet store windows around the country.  If we have to explain to you why one shouldn’t buy a puppy mill dog, then you should do us a favor and a) punch yourself in the throat and b) do a google search.  And not necessarily in that order.

So ultimately, if you are looking to surprise someone for Christmas, get them an Xbox or iPhone, or a nice cozy scarf instead.   When you get bored with it, you can shove it in a dark recess of your closet without worrying it will piss on your sweater and a chew a hole in your wall.





WTF Wednesday: That’s Just Shitty

4 Dec

It all comes back to poop, right?


Sad little turd

According to the company behind this lovely toy, “Abandoned at birth, Mr. Poops* could not understand why no one would want him. Alone, in the hot sun, he was left to dry out with no hope of survival. With each passing dog he hoped that he would not be so dried out that no one would recognize him as they sniffed looking to find their own family. Please adopt Mr. Poops and give him the family he deserves.

Enough with the orphan poop sob story. Can we track down the asshole who left Mr. Poops spattered on the sidewalk in the first place?  I am sure our vigilante poo crew  would love to swing into action.

Also, according to Amazon, Mr. Poops is 10 inches long.   Clearly Mr. Poops’ “creator” has been eating shitty dog food.  May we suggest a nice grain-free food instead?

So, who wants to welcome Mr. Poops into their home this holiday season?  Doesn’t everyone want to see a massive turd** on their family room floor or dangling from Fluffy’s mouth?

Tastes like…kibbles and shits?

*yes, they named him Mr. Poops.  We would like to think his first name is Seymour.

**pretty sure this is the same pattern used to create the classic toy “Shermy the Spermy”. Ok fine, we just made that up. That toy doesn’t exist…yet.