Your Dog’s a Fat-ass. Feed it less. A Rant by Fang.

6 May

Food is a huge commonality in dogs. All dogs must eat. All humans must feed their dogs. And in all of this I have a beef. A big one.

No, not you cow.

My beef is with this.

holy shitballs

holy shitballs

and this

dear lord

dear lord

and this

It surprises me that an average walk down the street doesn’t send me into paroxysms of fury. Then I realize that these fat dogs don’t walk anywhere so at least my evening zen is safe.

I think I see a less-than-brave lion, but at least Toto isn’t 4000lbs.

I have no illusions to my own fitness. I am gifted with opposable thumbs, a car, and free will which allows me the freedom to pick and choose whatever bullshit I want to ingest and I do so with zealous abandon. I can be a happy 600lbs and it’s no one’s business but mine and my doctor’s. My dogs, however, despite some ingenuity with cabinet doors and packaging in general, have no such options. As such, their well-being rests entirely with me.


I know. I’d be scared too.

As I was saying, I own the credit card. I go to the store. I pick out the food. I pay for the food. I bring the food home. I measure out the food. I give individual portions for ideal body condition into each dish. I stand around waiting for the food to be eaten by each dog. I pick up their dishes. I wash their dishes. I repeat this cycle twice a day and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives. I’m equal parts dictator, nutritionist, fat-camp counselor, and anxious mother. Are they eating? Are they eating enough? How many kilocalories are in a cup of that? Is there enough bone in this package? Did I give enough organs this week? Why won’t they eat that? Can I make them eat that?

In essence, it all comes down to me. I make the choices for them. I pick their treats. As such, their weight is something I should be in control of. Whether or not you feed the best high dollar kibble on the market, one of the raw diets, table-scraps, or the crappiest dollar store kibble around, there is zero excuse for having an otherwise medically sound dog who is obese. I have dogs as companions, friends and helpers. I do not have dogs to create some sick science experiment on volume vs. surface area.

This is not funny, or cute. This is fucking disgraceful and I don’t mean the dog.

This is not funny, or cute. This is fucking disgraceful and I don’t mean the dog.

Now I fully understand medical issues. Thyroid, Addison’s Disease, Cushing’s Disease, post-Op recovery, even recent spay/neutering surgeries can cause your pups to pack on the pounds. Other skeletal and joint issues make strenuous exercise nearly impossible for others.

That potbelly is hallmark of Cushing’s. If your “fat” dog has it, get it to a vet ASAP.

I also understand that sometimes, shit happens. Jobs are lost. Living circumstances change. Budgets are cut and that pricey diet kibble is no longer in the cards. Now, ask me how much that matters in the long term health of your dog.


Yup. You got it. There are always other options to keep a dog at a healthy weight. The first step is recognizing there is a problem. If it’s not medical, it’s lifestyle choice, and let’s be honest, our dogs don’t have that many choices in regard to home decor let alone food.

Here’s a handy guide to: Shit not acceptable as an excuse:

1) He looks hungry still

    He’s a dog. They’re scavengers and thus most are always hungry.


2) He looks thin.

    Have you ever seen a thin dog? Yes? Well that one isn’t so no. People can’t recognize a cat at a healthy weight so why would they recognize a healthy dog.

This kitty isn’t a lard-ass.

3) He’s hyper otherwise.

    Why did you get an energetic dog if you couldn’t manage it? Putting weight on a dog doesn’t solve training issues, it just gives them more mass to knock you around with, moron.

Yup.  Let's put 30 pounds on him and hope he slows down.

Yup. Let’s put 30 pounds on him and hope he slows down.

4) He misses me.

    WTF? What does that have to do with anything?

I don’t get it either.

All those excuses suck. The sheer willful disregard by owners astounds me. (Okay, no it doesn’t, but I lost my soul somewhere in the dog park) Whether it’s carelessness, a deliberate attempt to decrease energy levels, misplaced love or just ignorance it is something that is not only fixable but preventable in the first place. When your dog weighs more than I do, we have a problem. So here’s the plan; You get out and look at your dog. If it’s fat, put it on a diet. If it’s not. Awesome. I don’t hate you yet*.

You can’t deny the dog has pizazz.

*I will probably hate you eventually though.

41 Responses to “Your Dog’s a Fat-ass. Feed it less. A Rant by Fang.”

  1. katt May 7, 2013 at 5:07 am #

    You are my idol!

  2. Penny May 7, 2013 at 7:37 am #

    All truisms!

  3. Dayna Dawn Small (AKA Dayna Barter) May 7, 2013 at 12:47 pm #

    I love this blog post so much I want to marry it and have its babies. I also want to print it out and slip it under my mother-in-law’s door. There is no excuse for what has been done to those poor dogs in the photos above. Disgusting.

    • Lana May 21, 2013 at 1:00 am #

      me too…..

  4. Sue Wilhite May 7, 2013 at 2:23 pm #

    Exercise also plays a part – for both humans and dogs. Even if you feed high-quality whatever to the animal, if you don’t allow movement, then you’re seriously hurting the dog. It’s sheer laziness. (And, I speak from experience!)

    • TheDogSnobs May 7, 2013 at 7:21 pm #

      True. The post was longer and included the ‘If you don’t exercise your dog, die” section but it was deleted due to a rage-headache. 🙂

  5. Melissa May 7, 2013 at 3:56 pm #

    Can I hug you until your eyeballs pop out?

    • TheDogSnobs May 7, 2013 at 7:19 pm #

      Preferably not, but I’d take a handshake and free food. 😛

  6. Ashton May 7, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

    LOVE this.

    I have three dogs, all of whole I have had people tell me are TOO SKINNY! To which I respond, “No, you are just used to seeing fat dogs. Almost every pet dog in our country is overweight.”

    One of my “too skinny” dogs is a pug… A pug for heavens sakes! If I can keep my pig at 14lbs, there’s no excuse for the rest of America.

    My dogs are also active and compete in flyball and experiment in other dog sports. They aren’t “too skinny,” dipshits. They are healthy.

    • TheDogSnobs May 7, 2013 at 7:19 pm #

      My Malinois actually eats more calories a day than I do but… sure he’s never fed. He does need to gain another 3lbs for the ideal but that’s neither here nor there. 😛

      • melissa May 7, 2013 at 10:00 pm #

        Yeah, my malinois and irish terrier get accused of the too skinny thing alot! Nope just fit!

    • Adrianne M May 8, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

      this is SOOO true. In fact, most VETERINARIANS have never seen a healthy weight dog (or cat, bunny …).

      • Diane May 8, 2013 at 9:09 pm #

        Well, this vet has, and I give kudos to all the owners of dogs and cats at a healthy weight, even those I see on the street. I get people stop me at the dog park and while we’re running to tell me my fit, 58lb Vizsla is too skinny and should be fed more because you can see his ribs and he has a waistline. I tell them he eats upwards of 2100 kcal per day of good quality kibble plus a few treats but exercises regularly.
        Great post, will share.

  7. kay May 7, 2013 at 7:33 pm #

    I’m more disturbed that someone would put a flower in a dog’s butt

    • Syllie May 7, 2013 at 7:52 pm #

      Photoshop is a great way to do that, and perfectly painless for the fat doggie.

    • Sara H. May 9, 2013 at 2:18 am #

      Well, cat’s are very disturbed creatures, you see…. 🙂

  8. Corgeek May 7, 2013 at 8:17 pm #

    Love this blog post. Exercise and a good diet keep my corgis trim. They only get treats when we are training and the dog walker gives them a snack after the midday walk. No fat dogs in my house. No excuse to having a dog looking like the ones mentioned.

    And yes my breed will literally eat themselves to death.

    • Little Lamb Letters May 9, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

      That’s no joke! I call my mom’s corgi the “land shark”. She’s always circling my girls when they have food to try to steal it. Mom’s great with her though and keeps her in her ideal weight. 🙂

      • Corgeek May 13, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

        I have one who knows how to open cabinents…they wait…and then they strike.

  9. Stephanie May 7, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

    More people need this kind of reality check! Thanks! I have two lean, mean Rat Terriers. (Actually, they’re not “mean,” but you get the gist of it.) I’d rather have them thin, maybe even a pound or two underweight, with well-defined waists and tuck-ups than let them be a pound or two over their ideals. Unfortunately, I take my dogs’ more seriously than my own, but at least they are the reasons I must get up and move and bend and play and stretch and walk every day.

  10. Melissa May 7, 2013 at 9:32 pm #

    All my vet’s partners (vets!!!) thinks my dog is too skinny so we get a lecture anytime we go in and can’t see our regular vet. They decide it is okay each time when I point out that my dog does core strengthening exercises everyday and runs agility several times a week. Moving in less than a month so looking for a new vet should be interesting.

  11. Dawny-D May 8, 2013 at 1:26 am #

    Fantastic. So well said. My dogs are both at a healthy weight too and would actually eat themselves silly if I let them. They are active and somedays drive me nuts with how active, but it stuns me that people would be willing to let their animals be overweight and unhealthy instead of just walking or playing with them. Don’t get an active dog if you are unwilling to do the work involved. Certianly don’t overfeed in hopes it will slow them down. *ACK* Plus, affection is a better treat than overfeeding. (Now if I was only that diligent with myself.)

  12. marian May 8, 2013 at 11:04 am #

    love this! I worked at a kennel where the clients would pre-measure the food for their dogs’ meals, or bring ‘enough’ for their stay. When I would hand back 1/2 or more of their food when they came to pick up the dog, they would say there shouldn’t be any left. My reply was ‘if there’s some left, you’re over feeding your dog’. 95% of the dogs were obese, with health problems caused by being FAT! I have Pugs and have had one of the vets’ that did the trial for the ‘fat drug’ compliment me on my Pugs weight 🙂

  13. mike May 8, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

    My mother is guilty of all charges !! The more i bitch at her the more she feeds the greatest dog in the world, sassy is yer companion, her protecter, and she is slowly killing her !!

  14. Audri May 8, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    My in-laws have 2 dogs that are so fat that it saddens me. When I try to tell them their daschund looks like a rolled sausage, they simply tell me my beagle is too thin…. UGH! My beagle IS on the thin side (imagine that a thin beagle) but I prefer her to be a little lean rather than a little over-weight and she has the propensity to find her own food at times.

  15. Mayhem May 8, 2013 at 3:50 pm #

    I love this! I recently went to an event where I was criticized for my dog being “too skinny” while a 200+ lb overweight lab walked by. I was told that you could see my dog’s ribs and that I should up her food by 20%. Of course, they didn’t know that in December you could have *COUNTED* her ribs from a distance because of issues keeping weight on her. I honestly will put her in a sweater when she drops weight so I don’t have to hear people tell me she’s too skinny. She’s struggled with health issues (and being an exceptionally active puppy) before getting to a point where she has actually filled out a little bit and looks nice. It burns me up that no one says anything to the people with fat dogs!

    My older male, on the other hand, gained weight when I had to switch food suddenly and comes in at 88 lbs right now (he’s a 26″ tall Pyr mix — he CAN carry that weight, I just don’t like it). Every vet he’s seen lately has said he was a perfect weight when I told them he was fat. Hoping to get him fit again and down to 85, or even 83.

  16. KinseyBanjo May 8, 2013 at 4:39 pm #

    Thank you for this! Every time I see a fat dog I go into a blind rage and want to just shake the owner. How hard is it to feed your dog appropriately and exercise him?! If it’s that hard for you, do not get a dog! Grrrrr.

  17. MoVel May 8, 2013 at 7:21 pm #

    Love THIS blog!! Now everyone knows that Labs are “fat”, well not mine. I have my beautiful 50lbs , 21 inch Lab Mocha, sad part is, most Lab owners in my area would ask me how I keep my girl at such a healthy weight, I would simply tell them I walk her twice a day with a total of 3-4hrs daily, and give her a strict diet (no high fat foods or treats, and very minimal too, thankfully she’d prefer to have a ball as reward than treats). My vet has even said she was very surprised to feel the abs on my girls and what great shape she is in compared to most Labs that come into her office. I did practice flyball, but due to her shoulders, we ha to quit, but anyone who’s met my Lab at the tournaments or all team practices, would always say “Look, now there’s a healthy Lab!” Lol!!

  18. SaraDee May 9, 2013 at 2:21 am #

    Amen for this blog! Now if only I could re-arrange the thought processes for those in my family! I can’t believe how many people see an obese animal & consider it cute — warped fuckers!! Yes, let’s get the dog fat & put him/her in an early grave for your sick pleasure. *grumbles*

  19. Heather May 9, 2013 at 2:24 am #

    Love this! I honestly don’t know how people manage to get their dogs so fat. I have four dogs. Three are min pins. Im constantly commented about how good their weight is. But min pins are often fat, and said fat min pin owners have told me I’m mean because “their waist is so small”. Min pins are barrel chested dogs. Their chest is not supposed to be similar in size to the waist like other breeds. Yes it’s normal that their waist is about three times smaller than their chest. Yes my dogs are happy. Yes my dogs get treats. The eat half a cup a day of quality kibble and they stay active. My 9 year is healthier than your fat 2 year old min pin. They are pigs. My 8 hear old climbed into the food bin when she was a baby and would have happily chomped for hours if I let her! But they also love healthy treats like carrots. It isn’t that hard to watch a dogs weight!

    • DD May 9, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

      A dog at a healthy weight should have a waist smaller than their chest, no matter the breed.

  20. Jeannine DeWald May 9, 2013 at 5:35 am #

    Here’s a news flash: Dogs prefer attention to treats, and they can live perfectly happy lives without getting treats for everything they do. Dog weighs too much? Feed less! Can’t make it much simpler than that!

  21. Maureen Gamble May 9, 2013 at 11:56 am #

    When I send a Lab pup home to a new family, the package of stuff that goes with them includes a sample of the food I recommend (and tell them why) AND a metal measuring cup!!! I instruct them to measure every serving. If I call to check on the pup’s progress and ask how much it is eating, I want an EXACT reply! If I don’t get one, they get a lecture and a new measuring cup 😉

  22. Tiger May 9, 2013 at 1:31 pm #

    I am a vet that has a 31 lb cat in medical foster b/c his owners made him fat and then dumped him at the shelter – most likely b/c he couldn’t fit in his litterbox any more. He has a new litterbox (a concrete mixing pan) and he is on a very strict diet. It frustrates me that people overfeed their pets and then act like it is totally not their problem when they get sick from it. Obese pets are not cute – they are unhealthy and they need to be taken care of or their lives will be dramatically shortened. Please don’t overfeed your pets and if your pet is overweight ask your vet for help. If you are interested in seeing the trials and tribulations of pet weight loss first hand please visit Tigers blog at!

  23. Elizabeth May 9, 2013 at 9:55 pm #

    Could not agree more. My brother-in-law fed his Cockers cheeseburgers,steak, and the occasional doughnut. When he got the second one, he said he wasn’t going to overfeed her the way he did the first one, but did exactly the same thing. I have some weight issues of my own, but my beloved Charlie was not overfed and died after 16 wonderful years. I miss him still.

  24. H. Houlahan June 26, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

    I once repo’d a dog who had been, in two years of tender loving ministrations, fed to the weight of 95 pounds.

    His healthy weight was 47 pounds. Which is what he weighed after about 9 months in my house.

    The assclown owner told me, straight-faced, that they figured when he got “old and fat” he wouldn’t be able to chase down people to bite them anymore.

    That is, as you might imagine, another story.

    That I did not cold-cock anyone at the hand-off is proof — PROOF I tell you — that I am not the violent lunatic I am often presumed to be.

    Mahatma Gandhi would have put an elbow into that guy’s neck.

  25. Melissa Barron July 17, 2013 at 4:03 pm #

    Just a note… The first Doxie pic you show is of Obie. His elderly owners loved on him by feeding him leading to a max weight of 77lbs. He was surrendered and with his current owner has lost 49 lbs. You can see his amazing journey to a healthy weight here…

    • TheDogSnobs July 17, 2013 at 4:11 pm #

      Obie’s a cool little dude. We’re familiar with his story (In fact I keep it bookmarked to show clients what their form of love can do to their pup). 🙂

  26. paul seamons November 27, 2013 at 6:29 pm #

    With fat-ass owners, you can only expect fat-ass dogs. If a dog is starved, it is a cruelty case. The same should apply to obesity. Some people should not be allowed the privilege to own a pet; its not a human right!

  27. I September 23, 2014 at 6:27 am #

    I have two Boxers. Anytime I take them somewhere they are always called skinny. I get the old, “your dog needs to eat a couple cheeseburgers” line. Or the inquisitive concerned questions about the overall health of my dogs. I generally comes from people who have no credible knowledge of Boxers or of dogs in general. People are so used to seeing FAT Boxers now, they think that’s how they are supposed to look. News flash people. Boxers were meant to be lean muscular and agile. Not lazy fat shits….

  28. Fat Dog January 19, 2015 at 7:51 pm #

    I wonder about the health of some dogs, but mutts are hard to predict. look at the dog we have at work. He is loved very much, eats Purina dogfood, but people would think as if the dog was abused with Mc Donalds and beaten with Burger King whoppers…

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